Rep. Louie Gohmert recently delivered a speech on the floor of the House of Representatives suggesting that al Qaeda may be plotting to bring pregnant women to the United States, have the baby here (which makes the baby a US citizen, per the 14th Amendment), and then raise the baby to destroy America from the inside.
I once mocked Rep. Hank Johnson (D-GA) for the asking perhaps the most insanely idiotic question in a House committee hearing ever when he pondered if Guam might capsize as its population grew. Rep. Johnson can breathe easy- Rep. Gohmert now holds the title of "dumbest statement ever."
What makes Gohmert's statement all the worse is that it was delivered on the floor of the House of Representatives. Such speeches are frequently prepared in advance and vetted by a representative's staff, meaning this particular quote quite possibly was approved not just by Gohmert, but by another person. Any other person. Some living human being somewhere thought, "yeah- that makes sense." The mathematical odds of two such individuals finding each other, working together, and agreeing on the draft of Gohmert's speech are astronomically low. We're breaking records here.
Apparently, Gohmert believes al Qaeda spends its free time studying Rube Goldberg machines. Sure, al Qaeda could just send adults to the US for an attack, but that's old hat. They may as well invent a machine which would smother us all with a giant pancake. Please. This is the organization that uses a Q in its name with no following U. "Normal and safe" isn't in their vocabulary.
Why not try something fresh and new, like planting a baby on US soil and then helping it grow to become a force for evil that subverts the entire US system? That plan would never work if the baby weren't a US citizen, and the only way that baby could ever be a US citizen is if a pregnant female were smuggled into the US for childbirth. I mean, what else would you even try? Impregnating a US citizen with an al Qaeda baby? If you answered yes, then you're a moron. Way too complex. When Superman's species decided to plant a baby in the US, did they even consider impregnating a US citizen with a baby Superman? Um, no. They are higher life forms and would never do something that lame. Not when they had the far simpler option of putting a naked baby all alone into a space ship filled with jagged and razor sharp rocks and flying him across the galaxy to crash land in the US only to be raised by total strangers. Lucky for us, al Qaeda doesn't have any such spaceship- that we know of. So you get the point.
At some point after his House floor speech, Gohmert apparently became concerned that maybe Americans didn't appreciate the seriousness of the threat, or that perhaps people thought he misspoke or was just kidding. He cleared up all confusion about his position later in the day in an interview on Fox Business News:
In an amazing moment of cosmic improbability, the Fox News host, Eric Bolling, responded to Gohmert's plot by saying, "Congressman, it's really not that far fetched!" It most certainly isn't. At least not when compared to the probability that a third human being would agree that the plot isn't far fetched.
Of course, there is already plenty of precedent for this occurring. Bolling, always sharp as a tack, immediately noted the planned al Qaeda attacks on the New York subway system by American citizens as Exhibit A. That should do it. Case closed. Time to repeal the 14th Amendment provision on citizenship. Although... couldn't that example actually hurt Gohmert's argument? I mean the Americans in Bolling's example weren't smuggled into the US in the belly of a pregnant foreign mother and then raised to destroy America. Instead, they were actually recruited to al Qaeda after high school when they traveled to Pakistan. That suggests American citizen adults can be recruited to al Qaeda without having to be smuggled into the US for birth. There must be a better example.
And of course, there is. President Obama. His parents wisely anticipated in 1961, three years before enactment of the Civil Rights Act, that their black son had a great chance of one day becoming President of the United States. So they did what any reasonable parents would do in such a situation to magnify their child's odds of assuming the highest office in the world. They moved to Kenya to give birth to Barack. That sounds dumb, but not when they had the foresight to announce Obama's birth in Hawaii newspapers the week he was born. You have to create a record. Fortune favors the prepared, after all. So while Obama was actually smuggled outside of the US and into Kenya for birth, his papers were smuggled right back into the US, which is even better than smuggling a baby into the US for birth. Or at least just as good.
Given that al Qaeda has already assumed the presidency, you may wonder why they need to keep the plot running. Can't they just burn this sucker down right now? Nope. Not when Gohmert is on the case. He sniffed out Obama's birth certificate fraud long ago and won't let Obama get away with squat. Besides, al Qaeda isn't satisfied with only holding the presidency. That's small potatoes. They are after the real American institution: Hollywood. The al Qaeda babies of today will be the Leonardo DiCaprios of tomorrow, charming us with their performances while feeding us hidden al Qaeda propaganda until one day we wake up thinking, "I really need to take some flying lessons." Then again, if they already have the presidency, maybe they already have Hollywood too! That would explain why Superman gave such great tips on crossing our border. We're screwed.
Check us out at http://www.thefourthbranch.com