(Washington) In a hastily called meeting, The League of Extra Ordinary Genital Men worked deep into the night crafting a bill to present to congress to do battle with a court ruling that overturned California’s Proposition 8 ban on same-sex marriage.
Genital Men leader, former Speaker of the House, Newt Gingrich (R-GA), aka "The Professor", stated the need for a "Defense of Remarriage Act" to sanctify, if not justify, that "marriage is the union of one man and one woman."
After Gingrich’s statement, confusion reigned within The League regarding The Gay Threat and its affect on holy matrimony involving the union of one man and two or more younger, prettier women; one man and a second trophy wife; or in the case of married Senator John Ensign (R-NV), having sex with a married staff member while keeping her husband and son on the senator’s payroll; or in the case of Newt Gingrich, ditching his wife dying of cancer for another woman; or for John McCain, dumping a wife suffering severe and permanent injuries from an automobile accident for a younger, prettier, $100 million richer trophy wife, better known among The Genital Men as a Trifecta.
When asked how the prospect of gay marriage might affect the sanctity of adulterers who remarry, Genital Member-in-Good Standing, Governor Mark "Invisible Man" Sanford, (R-SC), stated "The Gay is threatening the very survival of the traditions embodied in our bodies. Talk of any deeper gay penetration into the fabric of society causes The League to go limp."
With one notable exception.
Leaks within The Genitals' own tight social fabric reveal that former Senator Larry "Dr. Jeykyll" Craig (R-ID) has risen to the occasion, setting off a leadership battle with Gingrich that reportedly left both men sweaty. Craig’s wide stance was said to have put him over the top, leaving the former speaker in a vulnerable position and forcing him to meet Craig's demands.
No internal act of defiance could have done more to telegraph to a waiting nation that The League of Extra Ordinary Genital Men is now ready to stand erect to go undercover to beat off The Gays seeking committed partnerships.
While it is not yet known how The Genital Men’s strategy will change under Craig’s leadership, a costume store in DC has confirmed that The League placed a special order for a dozen assless chaps and one XL bejazzled diaper monogrammed with the initials "DV".