Was listening to a public radio- interviews with people who had really or felt that they had killed someone. Sorry, I couldn't find a link.
I only heard some of the interviews. The piece was focused on those who have killed someone either accidentally or who felt that they had caused someone's death.
One interview reminded me of what happened to me when I tried to tell a priest that I had found "God"
In the story, a man, raised "religiously" told of how he felt that he'd killed a fellow student by wishing that the devil would get him - kill him(roughly.)
A few days later, as the students were walking somewhere, he heard a tremendous crash behind him - lightening had struck, hitting 6 kids. One of the kids was the boy he'd wished ill on. The boy survived for a few days.
Long story short, as a child, the guy was crushed by this event. He had caused a death by calling on the devil. He truly believed this, in his innocence, because of what he'd been taught.
I didn't hear which brand of Christianity he'd been indoctrinated into but, when he spoke to his confessor or whomever, he explained what had happened. The minister or whomever told him that, no, he had nothing to do with the boy's death. The guy said that he was devastated. He didn't understand why this "minister" obviously didn't believe what he'd been preaching. A bold of lightning that kills children surely is Satan's doing. Ultimately, after years of soul searching, the man realized that he'd been lied to. He is no longer a believer in Satan or God.
Many, if not most, around here are athiests like my husband. I am going to condense my story to explain why I believe in what people call God.
I was raised Catholic. I learned about Trancendental Mediation as a Catholic highschool student (one of many "learning stations" one day)and I went to learn TM and began to meditate.
Later, after I'd stopped meditating (what kid wouldn't?,) I had an "out of body" expierence. I left my body briefly and as soon as I got scared, I returned to my body. I went downstairs where my mom was doing the dishes and she asked me what was wrong because I looked freaked out. You can't take your ego with you to the Astral Plane, when you go, you have to leave your ego behind is how it seems to me. Your ego IS you, to lose it feels like you are dying (at least that's my perception)and it is some scary shit to an unenlightened mind.
I had a few more experiences of going to the Astral Plane - very rarely, in the scheme of things. It was more than year after highschool when I moved in with my boyfriend and had a baby.
One night as my infant slept, the same sequence that hearalded a trip to the Astral Plane happened... I would be asleep and be awakened by a drilling sensation in my head. Only it was only "I" that would become awake, not my body- only my mind. It is hard to describe but medicine describes it as "sleep paralysis" - you are awake but your body is not. It is the protective mechanism so that you will not physically enact your dreams, your body gets disconnected so to speak but you aren't supposed to awaken in this state.
It never seemed that I had any control of when it would happen (if I was too afraid and didn't want to go, I just had to force my body to move - which seems very hard - and i would wake up and it would be all over.) If not, I would leave my body and, after going here or there would then realize that I was dead/dying (my ego was gone - is the only way to describe it,) get scared and go back to my body. Sometimes I had the thrilling experience (before I got scared) to think of someplace or someone and boom - at the speed of thought I would be there... that's faster than a blink of an eye, it's instant. (and then I'd be afraid and go back)
Anyway, this night, I submitted to the drilling and went with it. I saw God. No, that's not the way, I didn't "see" anything ... I remembered It.
In the blink of an eye, I knew that there were no worries. I remembered that WE ARE ONE. What ecstacy! What comfort - to know that all that bullshit I learned as a Catholic were not true. I felt only love and acceptance. It was (and this really merits the word) AWESOME!
Then I got scared, woke up and freaked out. Then, I jumped out of a window. The confusion about what I just remembered and my "religious" upbringing tore me up. I just wanted to get back to what I had just seen/remembered. But "It" had other plans. I survived and went on to raise my wonderful son and now I have my grandson.
After the experience, on crutches for my fractured pelvis (I lost my spleen too,) I went to confession. I excitedly told the priest that I had seen the truth, that the song we sung every week was REALLY true:
We are one in the spirit
We are one in the Lord
We are one in the spirit
We are one in the Lord
And I pray that our Unity will one day be restored
And they'll know we are Christians by our Love.
He told me I was wrong and gave me a pennance...
Never went back.
I didn't "see" anything, I remembered It. It is the same memory you have from when you are born, I have come to think.
The "drilling" that wakes "me" hasn't happend for many years. Though I feel aware and I feel like an enlightened person, somehow I am not. I am still afraid to go with it. Wish I wasn't, I think it would be a blast. If I wasn't afraid of dying.
Flame away :-)