How, you may ask, can the House get around all those pesky "separation of powers" issues that the hippies and labor unions are always whinin' about? This awesome power comes straight from Article 5, Section 4, of the Iowa Constitution:
The supreme court shall have appellate jurisdiction only in cases in chancery, and shall constitute a court for the correction of errors at law, under such restrictions as the general assembly may, by law, prescribe; and shall have power to issue all writs and process necessary to secure justice to parties, and shall exercise a supervisory and administrative control over all inferior judicial tribunals throughout the state.
Unfortunately this section of the constitution only applies to the Supreme Court. The law could be challenged in district court but appeals to the Supreme Court would be prohibited. So you can see where Iowa is headin' -- it would get split into "gay counties" (such as Polk and Johnson counties) and "patriot counties" (such as the other 97 counties) dependin' on the whims of each district court judge.
One of the bill's sponsors really touched my heart by advocatin' thusly:
Rep. Glen Massie, R-Des Moines, said the bill is intended to advocate Judeo-Christian ethics as law.
"Everything I do in this building I look at as: I swore an oath to a supreme creator to uphold his law. I know that's something more of a lecture but I want you to know where I come from," he said.
Well said, Glen! Ya know, there's just somethin' about people named Glen that really brings out the essence of what America is all about. We all know that the one thing God hates above all else is judicial review. It's right there in the Bible, as in the inspirin' words of Matthew 7:1 . . .
"Judge not, you liberal activists, unless we Republicans say so."
. . . or, ya know, words to that effect.
I just know deep in my heart that you, like me, will want to thank the sponsors of this bill for their patriotism and also their incredible courage in standin' up for the rights of straight Christians. Why not drop 'em a nice email:
Royd Chambers: firstname.lastname@example.org
Glen Massie: email@example.com
Tom Shaw: firstname.lastname@example.org
Dwayne Alons: email@example.com
Betty De Boef: firstname.lastname@example.org
Kim Pearson: email@example.com
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