This is an important book because all of us will either be involved in the care of an elderly loved one or be the focus of care as an elderly person. It did in fact jolt me awake to realize that I am getting older and that I need to face up to what I will need help with in the next years.
Thoughts about the book which I mentioned in GreyHawk’s recent diary:
1. I want to have a discussion with my children about my care before something like this comes up and I am unable to do it.
2. I have a friend whose husband has been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and I will be a better friend for having read the book.
3. Ups and downs of caregiving are universal for many things besides Alzheimer's.
4. Practical things are mentioned in the book if someone really close to me begins to have problems.
One of the problems:
Pgs. 119 (After attempts to keep her “anchored in the real world” were causing her anxiety)
Now we don’t try and ‘lead’ her to any particular view of the world, and rather concentrate on letting her know that she is loved and safe where she is (wherever she thinks that is). We’ll answer her questions honestly, if she wants to know who is who in a photo, but we don’t press her to come up with answers herself, or try and correct her if she volunteers an opinion. I mean, if she’s wrong, so what? Nothing really hinges on whether she gets someone’s name right, or if she thinks we’re in some other place.
But this is surprisingly difficult…
We’ve now decided to let Martha Sr. have her own little world, and accept that we’re just visitors to it. It’s her map, and she can read it however she wants.
One reason for reading a book is so we can learn from another person’s experience. Our experience will not be the same, but we may be glad to know that we are not alone, glad to learn about some of the resources that are available, become more aware of problems that may come up so we can think of solutions. I have always believed in being prepared.
I was older when I had my first child and I had read that there could be problems because of that so I thought about what we would do if the baby was sent to a different hospital, and what we would do if the baby could not come home with us. We lived forty-five minutes from the hospital. We didn’t have much money. I started putting a little money aside in case we needed it. I thought about what we might have to have on hand for a special needs baby. It did not drag me down. I felt better to have things ready as I had little clothes and a crib ready.
I mentioned that to a lady I knew one time and she laughed at me and said, “I never worried one bit that my babies wouldn’t be perfectly fine.” Later, after I had my second baby, I met a lady whose baby was not fine. She had so much to learn and she did so well, but at first she was in such denial about it that it was scary when she talked about those early days. I felt bad for her. She was very strong and still is. I admire her, but I wish she had had a book to read. She certainly could write a book about the last thirty-three years. She knows so much that would be helpful. Helping her baby eat and swallow was one of the first things she had to learn. Getting bus transportation to the door for school days was one of the battles she fought, later.
I remember listening to our ISD leader tells us about our county program for children from the age of three up and I took the brochure home with me. I asked a friend about a lady around the corner whose son needed help. “I am sure her doctor told her about the program,” the friend said. But I checked just in case and sure enough, her doctor was in a different county and had not told her anything about the help that was available. She was glad to get the brochure and she acted on the information right away.
Reading books helps me understand what friends are going through. I am a better friend as a result. I recommend Her Final Year for many reasons, but first and foremost because it is an honest account. These authors are sharing how they felt, how they coped, how they tried to learn on the job, how they dealt with relatives who were concerned, and how they interacted with doctors and nurses. The two families went different ways in the end and that is helpful to see, too.
The last part of the book deals with the change in living a caregiver experiences after the prolonged time of taking care of the loved one ends, and that is very honest, too. Sometimes well-meaning people think we should just get over it quickly. Again, it is necessary to know that it takes time to deal with the changes and even to physically heal from the stress. It is important to add that into the story.
Find out more about the story and how to buy the book here:
Two Kossacks, two MILs, two families, Alzheimer's Disease & Care-giving
by GreyHawk
http://www.dailykos.com/...
and here:
Help a couple Kossacks with their book project...
by GreyHawk
http://www.dailykos.com/...
What books have been helpful to you or have jolted you awake?
Diaries of the week:
AIDS Walk Austin - a song that inspires me
by anotherdemocrat
http://www.dailykos.com/...
Write On! Point of view and "headhopping"
by SensibleShoes
http://www.dailykos.com/...
Limelite says:
http://www.dailykos.com/...
R&BLers e-Book Club Announcement: We'll finish our discussion of Water for Elephants THU at 2 PM ET. For a change of pace, our next read will be a work of non-fiction, yet it's a book that echoes a previous e-Book Club selection, Tinkers in that the hero is a clockmaker. The book is Longitude by Dava Sobel, the history of the solving of the thorniest problem of the eightennth century made possible by John Harrison who made the first chronometer sufficiently accurate to use in determining longitude at sea.
While we focus on being a book club for "e-ditions," all format readers are welcome. If you'd like to suggest a title for future e-Book Club reading, please remember our two rules: Must be less than $8.00 and must NOT be one of a series.
plf515 has a book talk on Wednesday mornings early.
sarahnity’s list of DKos authors
http://www.dailykos.com/...
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