I mostly lurk at DK now, and t/r diaries that I like. I used to get more stirred up and engaged about the various battles, and likely will again. I do appreciate being able to get close to the pulse of the DK community by following the discussion threads, I appreciate the personal and professional insights from others, I like being a few beats ahead of the MSM narrative, as well as reading stories and perspectives that never make it to the MSM.
I'm not so sure how I feel about the conflict on DK. I feel uncomfortable in conflict dynamics, I find them emotionally upsetting. I usually switch into an analytic/conciliator mode, and want to reduce/minimize the toxic elements, while steering the discussion towards common ground and constructive discussion. At the same time, there are some perspectives/attitudes/interpretations/attitudes that trigger a visceral combativeness for me, that tempt me to go into warrior mode.
In the real world, I'm mostly a peacemaker. I work a lot with youth, and on partnership-based environmental projects - I work hard to make allies, not enemies. In a new scenario, I go in friendly and open, but I'm always doing a background evaluation on the people I'm working with. I don't like working with people who use provocation, manipulation, or alpha tactics to get what they want. I pay close attention to how open people are to listening, to building consensus, to mutual respect.
Over time, I've learned the importance/utility of "constructive conflict" - that basically, conflict can be an effective way to communicate and interact. I stand up for things that I feel are important, I set boundaries where needed, I use conflict as needed to provide a safe and constructive environment.
I often play along with people I don't particularly trust or respect, if I can further an important goal. They usually quickly categorize me as a pushover, and are startled/disoriented when I assert myself on an important point. They'll often then go into conflict with me, which is usually tactically unsound, because I'm very careful about power moves, prepare for worst-case scenarios, and always make sure I'm coming from a position of strength.
That doesn't make the conflict any more pleasant, because I consider it to be wasted effort. Sometimes I run into visceral opposition, people who are so focussed on winning the point, or proving their argument, or taking me down, that they'll spend (what seem to me) absurd amounts of time and energy. I hate this, because I feel that I'm so careful about my choices and behavior and actions, and I honestly resent that anyone would be so misguided as to oppose me, particularly someone that I've spent time working with.
So here are my general tactics:
-Stand on strength. Be careful, consistent, and responsible in your actions, and be prepared to defend them.
-Hold something back. When I'm in conflict, I always have one move that I hold back, something that would be devastating and toxic if I put it on the table. That puts me in a position of confidence.
-Leave the door open. I've had enough enemies become allies that I'm always careful to make sure to leave a path to peace open. I stay respectful, I avoid scorched-earth moves, I'm careful that my responses remain civil and constructive.
I work with an older woman that I have great respect for, and when we run into a conflict together, I'm much more likely than she to pull the trigger on combat/avoidance. She's much more patient, much more willing to keep working peacefully with people that I've flagged as problems. When I offer to go after them, her usual response is "We're teachers. It's our job to show this person how we can work together, how to get things done. This is a teaching opportunity".
I still have a lot to learn from her. I've watched her walk through schools, and seen kids light up and run to hug her. I've walked through government buildings with her, and seen pretty much the same.
She lives with 3 rescued pitbulls, , and it's a sight to watch her walk them. She gives them a lot more freedom than I ever would, and they do push the boundaries, but she's very well-attuned to them, and asserts as alpha when needed. I've helped her break up dogfights, seen her pulled off her feet by the dogs, seen her go alpha on them.
I think she takes strong pleasure in their wildness and freedom, wants them to be the dogs that they are. And I believe she feels the same way about the people she works with. It doesn't make sense to me, but I'm still learning...