I wrote a diary on a variation of this subject a couple years back, and it seemed fun. Since at the moment it's a choice between Snooki & "Jersey Shore" or this, I'm choosing to do a little bit of an update on the topic.
Every film & TV show employs a certain amount of tried & true cliches, conventions, formulas, and stereotypes to create a story. In a good film these type of things are usually forgiven, since the audience doesn't really notice 'em. However, in bad films they stand out like a sore thumb. Some cliches & stereotypes are in the "so bad it's good" category, and are often parodied & satirized. On the other end of the spectrum are the ones that are the very definition of "politically incorrect."
So, with all that in mind, what are the worst cliches & conventions used by Hollywood?
If you were living overseas & all you had to go on about the United States was what you saw in movies & TV programs, you might get an unrealistic image. It could have been pure news media driven hyperbole, but I do remember seeing a news report some while back about how some overseas really believe Las Vegas and Miami are very violent places to live because of shows like "C.S.I."
Like I wrote above, whether cliches & stereotypes work in a film is usually dependent on the quality of the script & how they're used. Let's begin with some of the often used cliches & conventions used in action films.....
- The hero is exceptionally skilled yet misunderstood with inner angst, where the central situation at the heart of the plot allows a chance at redemption or revenge.
- The revenge flick... A father/brother/son/friend must avenge a death perpetrated by a gang of assholes. He must kill off the members one by one in increasingly sadistic ways. All members of the gang will be easy to kill, except for the gang leader, which requires a long battle that eventually devolves into a slow-motion fist fight.
- The hero will have no backup when dealing with the final confrontation, since reinforcements are always "10 minutes out," and show up after the main villain has been dead for a few seconds.
- The other cops/soldiers he or she works with usually have some sort of issue that they're holding against the hero. The hero is usually distrusted among other members of his/her profession.
- During the second act, when there is a chance of catching the villains, the other members of the hero's unit can not set up a perimeter to literally save their lives.
- The main character will have one ally that has his/her back, and would follow the hero into hell if that's what it requires. This ally can have skills, which are good but not quite as good as the hero. However, the ally might be useless, and only exist within the film as the emotional bait used by the villain. The ally could also be the film's love interest.
- The female lead in the film can go one of two ways. She will be a tough character that could kick almost any man's ass, who has somehow decided to fight criminals in the tightest, most form-fitting clothes possible (with cleavage thrown in for good measure), or she will be totally helpless.
- No matter how much good the hero has done. No matter how many lives he/she may have saved. At the first instance of trouble, the powers that be will disregard all of the hero's advice & pursue the most dumbass policy possible.
- If there are more than two leads in said action film, the two characters will be from different cultural backgrounds. The "buddy cop" action film allows for a message of diversity, while also kicking criminal ass.
- A different variant of this are the action films that use the "Trading Places" formula. A white cop that has to go into a minority community to find his man, or a black cop that has to go into Beverly Hills to find his man.
- After doing a number of just straight action films, the action film star is required to do an action film where he must act with children, and have an "oh so cute" moment before kicking criminal ass.
- Criminals can not hit a damn thing with their guns, except within the last 15 minutes of the film, where they might wound the hero in order to make his/her victory somewhat more heroic.
- At some point in the second act, all hope will seemingly be lost, or someone important to the lead character will be horribly hurt/killed. The action hero must show his displeasure by going nuts, destroying his office, or screaming out loud for a prolonged period. A good example of this is 'X-Men Origins: Wolverine', where Wolverine gets mad at the sky & screams at it about 3 times in the movie.
- Unlike real drug dealers/organized criminals who value anonymity, movie criminals like to advertise their profession. In the 'Fast & Furious' series, a Mexican drug cartel shuts down an entire Los Angeles city street for a block party/driver tryouts. Now it's been a while since I've run a drug cartel, but usually you don't want the fast & flashy. You want the quiet & unnoticed.
Movies are not really meant to reflect reality. They can comment on reality. They can tell a story based on reality. But if people want reality, they would look out a window instead of going to a theater or buying a TV. So when telling a story, certain liberties have to be taken. A lot of times when watching a film, I wonder which profession gets the most pissed watching film depictions of their trade? Real doctors watching Hollywood medicine? Real lawyers watching Hollywood legal proceedings? Or maybe real scientists watching Hollywood physics?
- When a person's heart goes into Asystole (flatline), the correct procedure is NOT to reach for paddles & start juicing their heart (as they do in many, many movies & TV shows). In fact it will make things worse (usually the proper thing to do is CPR, vasopressin, epinephrine, atropine, etc.)
- Most legal thrillers completely botch criminal procedure & just a fundamental understanding of constitutional law. Testimony, evidence, and lawyer/judge behavior is allowed that would never be permitted at a "real" trial. A good example of this is the Ashley Judd film 'Double Jeopardy.' A first-year law student could tell you the double jeopardy rule doesn't work the way its portrayed in the film.
- If Hollywood lawyers botch legal 101, Hollywood scientists usually maul fundamental tenets of science. Any & all films are not constrained by the laws of physics, but operate under the laws of physics as imagined in the filmmaker's head. Sometimes the two are very close, but sometimes they can deviate greatly. One infamous example of this is 'The Core,' where a group of scientists create a craft that could never be built, to do things it can't possibly do, so it can go to a place it can't possibly go, to take care of a problem that would have probably resulted in the instant destruction of everything on Earth if it really happened.
- The abilities of computers, computer hackers, and anything related to a computer are greatly exaggerated or just plain wrong in most films. Angelina Jolie's 'Hackers' is an odd relic of the 90s, where it imagines computer hackers as being a cross between Best Buy's Geek Squad & New York City club kids. "Hack The Planet!"
- Government agents in the movies are either corrupt, inept, or part of a global conspiracy to take over the world. The main character might be the one "good" government worker fighting the system. If the lead character is a child fighting the system, government workers will inevitably show up to make his/her life a living hell. Child social workers can never see true love, and will invariably rip kids away from loving parents. If an alien lands to say hello to humanity, the government will try to kill it, experiment on it, or fuck up the alien's plan to help humanity. And if a kid is trying to help an alien, the government will try to fuck that up too.
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One of the best genres that has a long ingrained set of conventions & cliches is horror movies. In horror movies bad things happen to the characters if they break certain rules. Another important aspect of horror movies is the hero. Usually they're female, white, virginal, represent everything wholesome & pure, and have a unisex name (e.g. Sam, Ripley, Sidney, etc.). This gets into something called "Final Girl" theory.
The simplest definition of this is "the last character left alive to confront the killer" in a slasher flick. The character in question tends to follow a certain set of characteristics. The most obvious one is being (almost) Always Female. She'll also almost certainly be a virgin, avoiding Death By Sex, and probably won't drink alcohol, smoke tobacco or take drugs, either. Finally, she'll probably turn out to be more intelligent and resourceful than the other victims... It's also interesting to note how the Final Girl can be interpreted in film theory. On one hand, the character seems to be the living embodiment of stereotypical conservative attitudes of what women "should be." On the other, feminists have noticed that through this device the mostly male audience (or...not) is forced to identify with a woman in the climax of the movie. In practical terms, the makers of a horror film want the victim to experience abject terror in the climax, and feel that viewers would reject a film that showed a man experiencing such abject terror.
- Teenagers + Premarital Sex = They Will Die.
- Also, as your friends/family are being hacked to bits day after day, it just sets the mood and always the perfect time to have sex with the boyfriend (who may or may not be the killer).
- Teenagers + Alcohol & Drug Use = They Will Die.
- Instead of running out the front door, when confronted by serial killer/monster/alien, characters will instead trap themselves inside their domicile by running up the stairs, or into dark basements & closets.
- If said characters should be smart enough to run out the front door, brand new cars, which had no sign of problems earlier in the film, usually have problems starting.
- Do NOT go into the bathroom!!! Bad shit lurks in bathtubs & behind shower curtains.
- Do NOT go into the woods if you hear an eerie sound coming from that direction! Whatever it is can stay in the fucking woods. Let the raccoons, squirrels & deer deal with it.
- If the lights go out, do NOT look for the circuit breaker! Look for the damn door!
- Cellphones & flashlights are affected with either low batteries or no signal at the most innoportune times.
- If something from outer space should land near you, do NOT be curious by running up to it & poking it with a stick. Run the fuck away!
- Apparently all evil monsters, aliens and serial killers are racists, since people of color hardly ever survive, and usually die first in horror movies.
- If you should hear something that sounds like screaming and/or a death rattle coming from the other room, the words "Let's Go Check It Out" should not come out of your mouth. And if your friend, boyfriend or girlfriend should say it, they're an idiot that's going to get you killed, possessed or eaten.
- If in a group larger than 3 people, the characters must not do the logical thing of staying together when trying to escape from the haunted house, scary-ass woods or other place in the middle of nowhere. No, they must split up so they can "Cover More Ground" and be killed off one by one.
- People over the age of 30 are useless. This includes the police and anyone of any authority. No matter how much evidence you may have that weird shit is happening, your parents will not believe you. In fact, the more you protest, the more they will think you are crazy and take actions that will indirectly help the killer to kill you (example: parents in the 'Nightmare On Elm Street' films loading their kids up with sleeping pills).
- No matter how much a scientist is told their experiment is dangerous, this supposedly smart person will ignore all the warnings staring him/her in the face and proceed to horrifically mutate himself and others, or put the world/galaxy/universe in danger.
- The character set-up at the beginning of the film as the town drunk/idiot/batshit crazy person will always know more than everyone else by the end of the film. In fact, at some point toward the end, he will explain the entire plot to the main character (and audience), as well as the motivation for the monster/killer.
- The lead female character, who has done nothing but scream, run, and cry for 90% of the movie, will display a clever genius-level intellect by film's end, when confronting the unspeakable evil.
- No villain is ever dead, even when killed in the way that is supposed to kill them once & for all.
Then there are the
romantic comedies.....
From Unreality Magazine:
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- Guy gets girl. Guy does something mind-numbingly stupid, or a horrible misunderstanding occurs that causes him to lose girl. Guy gets girl back in the final scene & they live happily ever after.
- Guy secretly loves girl who see him as just a friend. Girl dates jerk. Guy rescues girl, and she realizes he's her true love, and they live happily ever after.
- Guy loves girl who is a bad person. Guy's best friend, who happens to be female, is secretly in love with him. Guy realizes in the final act that his female best friend is his true love, and they live happily ever after.
- Guy from the wrong side of the tracks is in love with high-society Girl. Guy & girl's parents disapprove of their coupling. However, in the end, love conquers all, and they live happily ever after.
- Nerdy guy pines away for the school cheerleader/popular girl. Through a series of wacky & zany circumstances, the two become friends. The more popular girl gets to know nerdy guy, the more she fall in love. A misunderstanding will occur that threatens to doom their budding relationship, before they declare their true love in the final scene & live happily ever after.
- Nerdy girl pines away for the school quarterback/jock. After getting a makeover, which consists of removing her glasses, putting on makeup, and getting her hair done, Nerdy girl finally gets a date with school quarterback/jock. However, she realizes how superficial he is at the last moment, and rushes back into the arms of the nerdy guy that loved her pre-makeover to live happily ever after.
Within the romantic there's always a sidekick for the two leads; a wingman for the guy and a best friend for the girl who's usually "
wild & wacky." Some usual stereotypical examples of the best friend archetype are:
- An African-American with attitude that acts as the voice of blunt truth, while also being the comedic relief.
- A flamboyant Gay man, who acts as the voice of blunt truth, while adding a sassy finger snap.
- A nebbishy, neurotic Jew who worries about the actions of the lead character. Also, if it's not clear this best friend is a Jew, the writers usually make it explicit by throwing in a line that references the character's Bar Mitzvah.
- An "ugly" best friend, who really isn't ugly. He or she is just slightly less hot than the lead character. Also, this type of character will likely wear glasses, has a bad haircut or wears their hair in a pony-tail (setting up the scene at the end where they take their hair down & the audience is supposed to realize how hot they really are) since according to Hollywood logic, all ugly people are just a makeover away from being a supermodel.
- The clumsy, fat best friend. He/she is there to be the contrast to the main character. Sort of like the cinematic equivalent of a before & after picture.