We have to admit that some of our previous tactics were fairly obvious.
And our ability to intimidate is widely known.
But it's time to come clean.
Secrets so explosive, you have to jump over the squiggle to have them revealed. Please sit down as you are about to be shocked...
Now please, if you have made it this far, the following information should be passed along to only those who can handle the truth.
Ready?
We have taken over in ways you could never imagine.
The cat box? It's not what you think.
And, contrary to popular opinion, our concern for our humans runs deep.
Those trolls lurking in comment sections and polls that get freeped? Us!
We really don't need to spend all that time grooming, it is just a ploy to keep you off guard.
We invented a secret weapon so scary, the Pentagon had to bury the report.
The rapture? It's no joke.
Your dire predictions? All True.
Those who tried have infiltrating our ranks? Well, we have tried and true methods to get them to squeal.
We try to hide how much smarter we are than you, but sometimes we just can't help ourselves.
And scariest of all...
Heaven is not what you think.