SP: Well, family, should I run or shouldn't I run?
[SILENCE]
SP: Hellooooo! I asked a question!
[Trig GURGLES]
SP: (SHOUTING) I asked a question!
[SILENCE]
SP: Goddamnit! Answer me!!!!
BP: Mom, would you shut the fuck up with your phony "Should-I-run-for-president" shit? The election is tomorrow. Jesus fuckin' christ...
TP: Now, that's no way to talk to your--
SP: Did you just tell me to shut the fuck up, little missy?
WP: I think so, mom. That's what I heard, anyway.
SP: Shut the fuck up, you!
[Tripp begins WAILING]
TP: Bristol is right, hon. Tomorrow is the election and--
SP: You shut the fuck up, too, Todd! I'm the fucking breadwinner around here. When was the last time you brought anything worthwhile into this house? And, no, that tramp, Betty Finsler, does not count as something worthwhile!
TP: Listen, we're all sick to fucking death of you using us as props. The election is tomorrow. Game over.
SP: You can forget about getting that new Ski-Doo Summit 600. You're cut off as of right now.
TP: I have my own money.
SP: Yeah, right, $10,000 in prize money from the Great Alaska Snowmobile-a-thon. Good luck living on that.
PP: Mom, I think you should run.
SP: Thank you, Piper.
PP: I think you should leave for Washington right now in case you win.
TJ: Poo-poo!
SP: Are you trying to get rid of me?
PP: No, mom, but I--
BP: I agree with Piper. I think you should get on the next plane out of Wasilla.
WP: Seconded.
TP: Thirded.
SP: How would you and little Tripp like to be out on your asses, Bristol? Maybe Levi will take you in.
PP: Mom, have you talked to Jesus again about this?
WP: Piper, please don't drag Jesus into this.
BP: Yeah, Jesus told her to shut the fuck up and quit asking Him.
SP: You blasphemer!
TP: What's "blasphemer" mean?
TJ: Poo-poo.
SP: You all make me sick. I bust my ass for this family and this is the thanks I get.
BP: Yeah, you do it all for us. Please...
SP: I'm calling Greta right now and telling her I'm announcing my candidacy immediately as a nationwide write-in! And when I get to the White House, none of you are invited!
[Sarah CALLS Van Susteren using her cell phone]
SP: Yes, this is Sarah Palin, is Greta available? [PAUSE] Sarah Palin! [PAUSE, SPELLING] P-A-L-I-N. [PAUSE] Whaddya' mean "She's busy right now?" Put her on the goddamned phone! [PAUSE] No, you cannot have her call me back. Put her on the fucking phone!
BP: Hey, dad, wanna' go down to Lizard's Lounge and get a shot a Jack?
TP: Or two.
WP: Or three.
BP: Piper, watch Trigg. I'll be back in a coupla' hours.
SP: Goddamn it, this is Sarah Palin!
TP: Poo-pee.