In my last diary, I had filed for divorce from my bi-polar wife. My attorney filed with the court immediately based upon mental abuse. This type of filing would have bypassed the 6 month separation requirement of our state. My wife appealed the mental abuse claim. My attorney told me not to challenge the appeal because she would charge $400/hour and a psychologist would charge at a similar rate. So, I decided to wait the six months.
The Delaware VA has been wonderful. They have been aware of the situation in my house for several months. My personal well being was a concern to the VA, as I am the caregiver for my father. He is demented and living in my house. The VA decided to give me a break. They agreed to place my father in a nursing home for 30 days as a respite at no expense to us. The social worker told me to use this time to get away from everything and relax. I followed instructions gladly. I took two trips over the next 17 days. But, in reality, the trips were only a band-aid. I came back to the same stress as before. I had no idea what to expect from my wife. While I was away, she was served by the sheriff with the divorce papers, so I expected the worse.
To my surprise, a few days after my return, my wife asked me if I wanted to keep the house. I thought the house would be a big fight. She told me that if I could find a co-signer for the mortgage, the house could be mine. The house is important, because I still have my daughter going to university and my father still lives with me. An apartment in my area would cost as much as the current mortgage.
The VA came through again! They agreed to another 30 days for my father. At this point, I was very depressed about everything. I struggled for nearly a month. Then, magically I just snapped out of it. I've become productive again, as best as I can. My daughter wanted to go away for Thanksgiving and Christmas to be with the family of her friend who shot himself in August. They live in Indiana and Iowa. Everything seemed promising, but plans have fallen through, as of now. At least part of that family will spend their Christmas near us! My daughter is excited about that.
I had plans to go away for Thanksgiving, and I mentioned this to the VA. Again, the Delaware VA came through for me. Rather than bring my father home for a few weeks, then send him back to the nursing home(a traumatic event for him), they have agreed to another 30 days. I have written another diary, "I was killed in 2003 by a doctor's mistake" which will touch on my Thanksgiving journey. I think you will find this diary to be a very uplifting story! After this next 30 days expires, I've been told that my father is mine to keep, unless his condition declines. I may have to make a decision regarding my father in the Spring as the divorce becomes finalized. I have to protect my health as well as his.
I got my father back. He has been a real chore. He hallucinated all night on Friday. He was screaming, "Please help me". He told me that he'd been shot in the war, and he couldn't walk. I had him on several medications as directed by hospice, but nothing worked. Finally, he went to sleep, and he slept for 15 hours. He's not eating or drinking, and his demeanor is terrible. He curses at me all the time. This is so difficult for me, because he was an abusive father when I was younger. Now, I'm getting it again, because no family member will help me. I have to get him placed.
I received bad news today. A very nice person agreed to be a co-signer for my mortgage two weeks ago. Now she tells me that her bank will not allow her to do so. She is in the middle of a refinance herself. I have to find someone within the next two months. The co-signing carries very little risk. There will be $150,000-200,000 equity in the home. In a worst case scenario, we just sell the house. I'd like to pass the house on to my daughter when that time comes. She wants to live here still. She will get nothing from her mother, it seems. If anyone in the Kos community wants to lend a helping hand on this matter, BearDel will be forever grateful! We could very well face living on the street soon. How ironic that I've spent the past six years helping others, and now it's my daughter and I who need a boost. I'm very afraid!