From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...
Oops!
Well, I guess we can write off Tim Pawlenty as a presidential contender.
Oh, sure, he'll run. But he won't be the nominee, now that primary voters are---via last weekend's CPAC soiree---wise to his radical views:
"Now, I’m not one who questions the existence of the President’s birth certificate. But when you listen to his policies, don’t you at least wonder what planet he’s from? On what planet do they create jobs by taxing the daylight out of people trying to grow jobs? On what planet do they try to reduce the deficit by spending even more? On what planet do they make health care better by putting bureaucrats in charge?"
Let me get a few ancillary things out of the way first:
1) "What planet he's from"---Ha Ha Ha Ha, good one! I'll have to remember that.
2) Taxes are the lowest they've been since 1950.
3) The spending---which Republicans opposed but then crowed about as being awesome for their states---was essential to prevent Great Depression II. And many of Obama's subsequent policies actually do reduce the deficit.
4) Bureaucrats are in charge of Medicare and Medicaid. Americans love Medicare and Medicaid.
5) Tim Pawlenty is a dishonest jerk. I say that with {{{{love}}}}.
But back to my main point, which is that he won’t be the GOP candidate. Here's why:
"Now, I’m not one who questions the existence of the President’s birth certificate."
In the modern conservative primary climate, that statement is the kiss of death:
In the poll, 51% of all likely Republican primary voters erroneously believed that President Obama was born outside of the U.S.
Golly, Timmeh sure is out of step with mainstream conservative beliefs. Of course, there's still a tiny window of opportunity for him to refudipudiate his radical commie Islamic Brotherhood stance on the president's lineage. But to show he's serious, I believe he'll have to bite the bullet and re-revive his mullet. Otherwise, Tim, you might as well be campaigning on another planet. Like, say, Uranus.
Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!!!!!
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Thursday, February 17, 2011
Note: No planets were harmed in the writing of today's intro.
-
By the Numbers:
Days 'til the start of NCAA March Madness: 26
Days `til the National Cherry Blossom Festival in D.C.: 37
Percent of Americans who, respectively, do and do not want the Affordable Care Act to be defunded by the Boehner House: 35%, 55%
Average lifespan, in months, of a $1 bill, a $5 bill and a $100 bill: 24, 16, 89
(Source: Fast Company)
Increased risk of having a fatal heart attack if you get less than six hours of sleep a night: 48%
(Source: Time)
Amount of Minnesota's debt that would be erased if Mark Dayton is successful in getting a 5 percent tax hike on the richest residents enacted: 50%
(Source: Think Progress)
Starting price to have your ashes pressed into the vinyl record of your choice: $3,500
(Source: andvinyl.com via Details)
-
Your Thursday Molly Ivins Moment:
As regular readers know, I call upon the Lord rather frequently myself, often for patience in dealing with those who presume to speak in His name. To whatever extent each of us is affected by religion, I suppose we inevitably bring that into the public sphere. But I seriously question the wisdom of doing so in any organized or deliberate fashion. Drag God into politics, and you'll ruin His reputation in no time.
Again, this may be a matter of taste, but I have seen too many Psalm-singing, Bible quoting, Holy Joe hypocrites in politics to think these frauds improve the moral tone of our public life. Getting snookered by some canting humbug is even more depressing than getting snookered by a plain old crook.
---June, 2004
-
Puppy Pic of the Day: "I could see the puppy sinking slowly to the bottom of the pond…"
-
CHEERS to equality---more or less. The third time turned out to be the charm in Hawaii as civil unions moved one step closer to reality with the Senate's 18-5 vote in favor of them:
The president of Dignity USA-Honolulu, who founded what he called the first "gay church" when he moved to Hawaii 41 years ago, was moved to tears at what he witnessed.
"I, with my own two eyes and ears, got to witness this historic moment when lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and questioning people are now elevated to the status of ordinary citizens," said Earhart, 64. "We no longer have to apologize for loving one another."
All that remains is for Governor Abercrombie to sign it, which he'll do within ten days, no doubt surrounded by a lot of smiling and cheering supporters. A civil union is, of course, not exactly the same as a marriage. But it gets the proverbial camel's nose under the tent by providing virtually all the rights and benefits of marriage. As Hawaiians realize that none of the predictions of hell-fiery doom made by opponents ("They'll want to marry macadamia nuts next!") will come to pass, they'll be more open to efforts to grant full marriage rights, like what's happening now in Washington state. So Mazel Tov and leis all around. The haters lose again.
CHEERS to the Return of the Russman. After he lost his re-election bid in Wisconsin (Why, again? Oh yeah…Mad Cheesehead Syndrome), there was a lot of wishin' and hopin' that Russ Feingold would soon resurface. Thankfully he didn’t disappoint:
Launching on Wednesday, Progressives United is an attempt to to build a grassroots effort aimed at mitigating the effects of, and eventually overturning, the Supreme Court's infamous Citizens United decision that opened the floodgates to corporate spending in the U.S. electoral system. In addition to online mobilization, the political action committee (PAC) will support progressive candidates at the local, state and national levels, as well as holding the media and elected officials accountable on the group's key priorities. […] "Things were like this 100 years ago in the United States, with the huge corporate and business power of the oil companies and others. But this time it's like the Gilded Age on steroids."
Response was so overwhelming that, according to his webmaster, "Our website has crashed. Clearly, progressives are ready to unite around this cause! We'll be back up with a full site shortly." In the meantime you can go to the simple Progressives United landing page and join his email list. Russ is back…and all is right in the world.
OMG! to hell freezing over and pigs flying! A bank---JPMorgan Chase---has done what no other megabank has ever done in the history of the universe with the sole exception of that one time during Jupiter's Olthblark era: they said they were sorry:
JPMorgan Chase & Co. on Tuesday announced new programs geared toward military customers and veterans, and apologized for overcharging thousands of active-duty service members on mortgages and improperly foreclosing on more than a dozen. … "We deeply apologize to our military customers and their families for these mistakes."
As for their non-military customers, bank officials say they can still go screw themselves.
CHEERS to legal libations. On this date in 1933, the U.S. Senate passed the Blaine Act, which effectively ended prohibition. Who says Christmas is in December?
JEERS to the terminator. John Boehner's flip "So be it" comment regarding proposed federal job cuts are coming back to haunt him this morning. Not only was the fallout from that remark swift and harsh, but yesterday he also failed to retain a thousand jobs in his Ohio district when the House voted to scrap funding for the useless "extra engine" on the F-35 aircraft. It's just one more defeat in a string of defeats and gaffes that Rachel Maddow laid out with her usual efficiency Tuesday and concluded:
[W]hen you look at the evidence, regardless of what you think about the Republicans' agenda, whether you are for it or against it, I think John Boehner is bad at his job. … Things are not working out for John Boehner message-wise, legislating-wise, party discipline-wise, or what he‘s famous for-wise. The Bush family is openly mocking him on network television for crying too much. Is there something that John Boehner is doing that he‘s great at that I'm just not seeing?
Yes. Smoking.
CHEERS to the shortest joke ever posted in C&J: Draft Trump 2012.
[Pauses to allow readers to regain their composure...]
CHEERS to green shoots. This doesn’t exactly knock my socks off, but what the hell---good news is good news and I'll take it where I can get it:
The Fed estimates that the nation's gross domestic product will rise between 3.4% to 3.9% in 2011, up from its November estimate of an increase of 3.0% to 3.6%. … Fed members said the economic recovery is "on a firmer footing" and they expressed greater confidence that the recovery would be "sustained" and "gradually strengthen over coming quarters."
The expected unemployment rate by the end of the year: 8.8 percent. And inflation? Not gonna be a problem. Rush Limbaugh's ego excepted, of course.
-
Five years ago in C&J: February 17, 2006
JEERS to the America we've become. The United Nations has issued a report that says the torture camp at Guantanamo Bay is so bad that it should immediately be closed. Yeah...move the prisoners to a state correctional facility and make `em share a cell with "Tiny"---all 320 pounds of him. They'll be squawking by lunch.
CHEERS to Famous Firsts. At the Winter Olympics in Turin (How do you get there? Just turin left at the first Alp. Ha Ha Ha!), Seth Wescott of Farmington has become the first Mainer to win a gold medal in a winter event and the first person to win a gold medal in the new sport of "snowboardcross." It makes up for our devastating loss Wednesday in the first ever "Slalomwhilefixingasandwich" competition (we lost precious seconds on the mayo-slathering leg, dammit).
-
And just one more…
CHEERS to something that looks really awesome on a resume. President Obama awarded the Medal of Freedom to several recipients Tuesday at the White House. The awards are given out for "An especially meritorious contribution to the security or national interests of the United States, world peace, cultural or other significant public or private endeavors." This year's gaggle:
Maya Angelou
German Chancellor Angela Merkel
Congressman John Lewis
John H. Adams
Warren Buffett
Jasper Johns
Gerda Weissmann Klein
Dr. Tom Little (Posthumous)
President George H. W. Bush
Yo-Yo Ma
Sylvia Mendez
Stan "The Man" Musial
Bill Russell
Jean Kennedy Smith
John J. Sweeney
Some nice pics at Blackwaterdog's new digs. Each honoree gets the medal, a ribbon, a tie clip, and command of their own infantry division. Congratulations, by the way, to the senior President Bush, who won the Oval Office game of Duck, Duck, Goose. Figures---I put all my money on Russell.
Have a nice Thursday. And if you're wondering who's better at making protest signs, the teabaggers or the Egyptians, here's your answer. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
-
Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
"Bill in Portland Maine said that Cheers and Jeers will---and I'm quoting---'become a luxury item.' "
---Glenn Beck
2/15/11
-