With concerns mounting about a massive, corporate-wide attack of writers' block, The Onion has initiated a strategic reserve of knock-knock jokes. Writer George Halpert averred that "Producing jokes day after day is not my favorite work, but its better than unemployment." (Halpert, formerly a mortuary worker, was hired by the Onion through a Federal stimulus grant.)
The first story on This American Life's "Tough Room" segment covers a weekly meeting at The Onion. You listen in as the humor writers begin selecting the week's headlines. Each writer presents about fifteen candidate jokes and faces the reaction from the other writers in the room. A few candidate headlines survive; most are trashed. Some of the funniest die from lack of substance.
After listening to the show, I entertained myself by creating a few possible Onion headlines. Given the oft-depressing stories on DKos these days, I thought I'd put up this diary and offer the opportunity for you to add your faux headlines in the comments (or to shoot mine down).
Mine are below the fold...
Anniversary Celebration of Flight 71's Eight-Hour Tarmac Stranding Includes Full Reenactment
Women Discover Pockets - Handbag Industry Devastated
States' Hands-free Laws Lead Cell-Phone Designers to Look Into Cleavage
Non-proifit Helps Overly-Focused Teens Learn to Text and Do Homework at the Same Time
Senator Adopts Children to Provide Health Insurance.
Sen. Rob Why (R) adopted three children who otherwise had no health insurance. Corker said "My employer provides great benefits and I thought I could do some good by adopting these darling children so they too could have health care."