that's right
ya gotta start somewhere.
where?
I have no idea
but some where.
if you go to my page, and I hope you will
you will see "i'll look for you, you look for me"
once you are there, please click the little heart and "follow" me
because I am lonely here.... and in life.
spend a few minutes thinking about what it feels like to not be with the person you love... because you can't. you're not allowed.
this is what it feels like to be gay
in america
with a foreign boyfriend.
it feels lonely.
this is how I feel about life
so many aspects
including d/k 4
once upon a time there was a happy boy named chuck, you know him better as ridemybike. he lived life to the fullest.... creating beautiful spaces for people to live in and work in.
he felt proud and fulfilled... he was young and fit and ready to make a difference.
then, one day in february of 2009, he met a beautiful boy
a german boy with bright blue eyes who walked in a measured, if not odd way.
the odd boy with the sparkling blues walked up to the blonde boy sitting there with his bike by his side, and asked; may i sit next to you?
i wish you would, replied the blonde boy.
inside he was trembling with fear and excitement because, this blue-eyed german boy
was, quite possibly, the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.
but you know how that goes.....
after some small talk...they decided to walk on the beach.
it was february in miami and now, at nearly 1am, the temperature was an exquisite
73
so they walked for hours and hours... not so much as holding hands
just talking about everything
from feeling like they didn't quite get the whole "gay lifestyle"
to politics and family and religion....
and the stars.... there were a zillion that evening. at very least, a zillion.
they talked about the stars.
the american boy knew he was falling for the other
there was no doubt.
he was perfect... a misfit.... like me.
apparently the german boy was feeling the same thing.
but hours and hours and a slowly rising sun
came up without even the smallest kiss on the cheek.
but a date for tomorrow they will have.
he will drive down, from his mom's house on the bay, to the beach where the other was staying. he would pick him up and they would go out for dinner.
the american is falling.
after dinner at some cute trendy place frequented by many of the local gay kids
they walked over to a hotel just on the bay... away from the noise
and lounged on chairs by the pool.
it was midnight and no one asked if we were staying there.... the blonde is pretty
well traveled and could mingle with the best of them.... so they stayed
and spent another night stargazing... and at least for the blonde boy
another night falling deeper in love.
yes, for the german, as well.
their love affair lasted for one more year.... the german would take the bus
yes, the bus
from boston where he was spending one year volunteering with the waldorf school
look up joseph stiener if you are interested..... to philadelphia where his now boyfriend
lived,
they would spend many many weekends together and make all kinds of plans
one dog, two cats.... a small aquarium.
but the one, the american, knew what obstacles they faced
he knew he should say goodbye and not fall deeper.
but, that wasn't to be.
they fell madly and deeply in love.
finally, in the summer, it was time for the german to return home
after spending the final two weeks together.... in each others arms...
the american boy drove his german love to the airport in newark, nj
there was waiting and tears..... so many tears.....
then the german headed home.
they had plans, though.
the german would come back.... he would enroll in college (even though he already went)
that was one way they could be together.
or.... we could find a girl to marry him.
it all felt so uneasy.... and it was.
because there are NO options for gay americans who fall in love with foreigners
it's not the same if you are straight.
if you are straight and fall in love with a foreigner, our federal government will allow your love to stay... you can marry.... he/she can work.
you can make a life
you can try for happiness.
gay americans are not afforded this privilege
sure... the american could pick up and leave his country
his ailing mum.... his friends.... his work
and move to germany where gay people are given the same rights as straights
certainly when it comes to matters of happiness
matters of the heart.
but he knew if he did, chances were his german partner would likely face harsh judgement should he ever want to return to the states with his american husband.
the american customs would quite possibly not let him into the u.s.
for fear that he might try and stay.... or worse, get a job.
so.... my alex went home.
he came back in april for the entire month, and even though we had a glorious month things were strained..... we knew we had no way forward.
america is a beautiful place
but it is also a place of broken hearts and broken dreams
for many of its own people.
I am angry
and deeply hurt....
and I ask everyone to please keep fighting for equality.
thank you.