Physic--an old word. From it we get "physician". It means to purge. Like take a laxative. Or an enema. Tonight's edition purges us of meta and too much pie.
Follow me over the squiggly do-dad for News of Dubious Veracity and the Golden Douchenozzle Award plus the newly-minted Silver Ear Syringe Award for political speech which requires brain bleach. Sirius the Cat is on vacation, so our editorial is also on hiatus.
News of Dubious Veracity Department
via the Manchester Union Screeder:
New Hampshire Governor to Sign Bill Outlawing Teachers
Gov. John Lynch is set to out walk Wisconsin governor Scott Walker: not satisfied with breaking the teachers' union, he is prepared to sign a bill that would outlaw teachers themselves. "Teachers, regardless of their union, cost the State of New Hampshire too much money, indoctrinate our children in Socialism and Secular Humanism, and should play no part in the education of the children of New Hampshire. Therefore, I am prepared to sign legislation making it a class-A felony to instruct a child without holding a voucher in a private school". Gov. Lynch continued, "Furthermore, no instructor of any kind who holds any educational credential beyond the 8th grade will be allowed to tutor any children in the State, and must be literate in the Bible and the Second Amendment."
The Golden Douchenozzle Award
The nominees are so many that tonight they will be few:
Rep. Paul Ryan Need I say more? "Bold". "Visionary". DOUCHENOZZLE
Rep. Darrell Issa (CA-49) of "step away from the vehicle" fame. I'm sure he wishes he had stepped away from the vehicle, or the two that he stole before he made his fortune in talking car alarms. He's on the birther bandwagon these days, and holds subpoena power in congress. And he hates gefilte fish, according to The New Yorker which makes him extra-nasty in my book. My freezer is lousy with it. The good kind, not that horrible stuff in a jar.
Eric Cantor "Raising taxes is not what we need right now". Of course, it is exactly what we need right now, it's just what no one will say right now.
Paul LePage is back from vacation. The state of Maine mourns.
Tonight's winner is.......drumroll......crescendo....CYMBAL CRASH!!!!
Rep. Paul Ryan!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! for general asshattery and golden douchenozzlery. Every so often, the GOP leadership trots out some young thing (was it Rolling Stone that said he looks like he screws with his socks on and sleeps in his suit) to take "bold" action. Then, he gets to slither back under his rock again. Well, Rep. Ryan, you might not hide that easily. You're a one-man "death panel" and you have your sights set on Grandma. Way to go, douchenozzle.
The Silver Ear Syringe Award goes to:
Donald Trump who has apparently hired investigators to find the President's birth certificate. Hint: it's in Hawaii. This bloated bloviator definitely calls for a dose of brain bleach every time he opens his cake-hole. I am sure that there are many Kossacks who could send him a new pootie to wear on his head, too.
Thank you for reading, and join us next week for more plus Sirius the Cat's editorial. Happy snarking, fellow Kossacks!