I know there's a group on here that deals with the likes of me as a recent quitter and if you are out there "Help me, please"
This isn't the first time that I've quit. Once I quit for four years and then started again over a crisis in my life. I knew then like I know now that smoking one cigarette for me is the beginning of the end. I will be smoking like I never stopped in a day. So I am a true addict and tobacco is my addiction.
I know people out there that quit cold turkey cause the price went up. I am not capable of that kind of quitting because I have a real withdrawal process that is so intense filled with anxiety, the heart pounding, eye bulging run to the hospital anxiety, and anger, the kind that causes loved ones to leave for days until they think it is safe to return and insomnia, not the normal kind, the kind when you are so tired, you pass out and then a few hours later your body levitates off the bed and you are staring in the dark at nothing.
This time though, I wanted to not smoke anymore. I slowly cut back to 14 cigarettes a day and sometimes 12 or 10 and one night I ran out and knew that I was not going to buy anymore. I had a plan. With 2 pieces of Nicorette gum in the house, I made it til Monday morning, went to the local mall and found an E cigarette stand. I didn't mean to replace tobacco with this item. I planned to use it for the motions and just a hit once in a while to cut the edge off my symptoms. Which is exactly what I did use it for.
At this time I am using the E cigarette 2 times a day with 4 or 5 puffs and 2 pieces of 2 mg Nicorette gum.
This diary is not for anyone who doesn't smoke, hasn't quit smoking or doesn't want to be totally bored by the pain and agony of withdrawal. It's five weeks now, not a Marlboro has touched my lips, but I find that people don't like me that much, and at certain times of the day, when I feel there should not be an issue with nicotine, I start to feel crazy. Really messed up. I can't put it into words, but it's kind of like the worst anxiety accompanied by the fear of a serious illness and possible death. I am willing to admit that maybe my reaction to quitting is extreme, maybe, maybe not, however I am committed to not smoking anymore so there are no options for me except to go through this.
I have been exercising and riding my stationary bike 4 to 5 times a week for 20 minutes a day and 4 miles each ride and then working out with 2 pound hand weights after that for another 10 minutes. That routine is just to keep me from feeling depressed and it works. However, I need to know if this is going to be my life, with a weight gain of 1 pound a week since I quit, just to add insult to injury, how long will it take til I am feeling like a human being.