I don't really smoke cigarettes. Not at least since my days living on a ship where everyone smoked. That was "if ya can't beat em, join em." But that didn't realy count, right?
Then there was the time when I lived amongst a bunch of smokers in a remote locale in Utah. I mean I was in the middle of nowhere; in friggin UTAH, for gawd's sake. And even then I was only smoking rollies, not the store bought pre-rolled kind. Those are the cigs that smokers smoke.
Then there was the period when I was traveling overseas in India amidst tons of Europeans, Israelis and the like. THOSE people are smokers. I merely had a fag now and then to keep up with the Joneses. And even then I merely smoked beedis, which aren't even a real cigarette.
And then there are the recent years. I never actually buy tobacco products unless it's a pack of cloves. I may bum a regular ole smoke now and then, but I prefer to bum American Spirits, the oxymoronic healthy cigarette. If I never actually buy the major brands smokes, then I am not a smoker, right? RIGHT?
As an environmentalist, I also think it is an awful thing to be tossing a those smelly butts into the wasteland of who knows where. I bet if I could see the size of all the butts that have ever touched my lips I would never smoke again. Aah, blissful ignorance. Plus the fact that there is more than enough burning of carbon going on in this world without be burning stuff so I can inhale it into my fucking lungs.
My poor pink lungs. They are like DUDE, WTF? every time we suck that hot smoke in. How dare I try to destroy something that works so hard to keep me alive?
In my youth smoking has on occasion caused me to be physically ill (usually back in my drinking days after I had been drinking). What other habit would one continue to choose willingly to do after knowing it makes you nauseous?
It is because of these reasons and other mental gymnastics that I can convince myself I am not a smoker despite countless smoked cigarettes providing evidence to the contrary. Maybe someday I'll wake up and smell the dirty ashtray.
Current members of the GUS team:
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What is it about the label that I can actually believe my own denial? Ever heard the one about De Nile is not just a river in Egypt? It also stands for