So, I wrote a diary yesterday about how I was told by an HR professional that the company she works for doesn't hire anyone who is unemployed. Several people mentioned that I should try doing some volunteer work for a not-for-profit. I hadn't really considered it before, but yesterday afternoon I started making some phone calls and sending emails.
This morning I heard from a small not-for-profit. In my email I told the director that I was out of work and hoping to do some volunteer work for the organization. She called this morning and told me that she'd like to meet. I met her for brunch, went over my background and qualifications, and talked about what she needed me to do.
The organization desperately needs someone to manage their finances. They receive very few donations and relied mostly on government help which has all but dried up recently. On Monday I will be going in to see where I can help. I already have a few ideas that could save the group money. They took out a loan when they lost much of their government support, and I believe it may be possible to refinance the loan and get a much lower rate.
The best part of all is that I feel like a human again. Am I getting a paycheck? No, but I feel like a real person. I can't tell you how much having a job messes with me mentally. I identified myself by my job for years, and without a job, I lost my self-worth and sense of identity. I feel somewhat hopeful right now. Maybe this will help me land a job that pays, maybe it won't. At least I'm trying and that is what counts.
I had gotten so mentally down on myself that I had actually scheduled the date I was going to commit suicide. I told myself if I didn't have a job by that date that I would end it all. I know that sounds crazy, but it is very difficult being without a job when your whole life had been your work. I've got my fingers crossed that this will lead me to full-time employment with a job that pays.