I hope everyone is having a good Thursday night. I've not done a pun diary in a long, long while and so I thought I would tonight.
Pull up a chair and your best puns/jokes and share them.
Hopefuly this diary will bring a laugh or two, to lighten your Thursday night.
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary & his wife was angry. She said, "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds & IT BETTER BE THERE!" When she woke up, she looked out the window & sure enough there was a box in the middle of the driveway. She ran outside to open it & inside she found a brand new bathroom scale. Bob has been missing since Friday.
"A Farewell to Arms" is Ernest Hemingway's novel about an American soldier in Italy during World War I. He falls in love with a nurse in the hospital, decides to go AWOL, and rows all night with her in a boat from Italy to Switzerland to evade the authorities. His girl friend was sitting in the stern of the boat, and he was rowing in the middle. At one point he said, "Cath, I love you." She said, "Pardon?" He said, "I said I love you." She still didn't hear him, so he removed an oar from the lock, moved up to the stern, resumed steering the boat from that position, and said again, "I love you." She said, "I love you too, but why are you standing there sculling when you can do so much better rowing where you were?" He said, "You are undoubtedly right: I just sculled to say I love you."
During its heyday the Wells Fargo Company employed a number of specialized stagecoaches such as one with a church for Sunday operation. One of the more popular models featured a darkroom on board, so passengers who took pictures could have them processed en route and the prints delivered at their destination.
One day a stagecoach equipped with a darkroom was headed for Wichita when, passing through a small town, it was intercepted by the local marshall, who said, "Halt in the name of the law!" "What's the problem?" the stagecoach driver asked. "You should know that the operation of a mobile darkroom is illegal in Kansas," the marshall said. At this point two psychologists on horseback arrived on the scene. One of them said, "I suppose what we have here is a classic case of the Oedipus complex." The other said, "No, it's much simpler than that -- it's just an arrested stage of development."
A farmer lived in ancient Rome. He was working in the fields one day when he came across a giant strawberry, about one foot wide and 18 inches high. He thought this would be a novelty that many would want to see, so he took it home, washed it off, and set up a display in a case. He advertised the giant strawberry far and wide, and people came from all over to see the exhibit. He charged admission and made a pile of money. However, he failed to report his earnings to the tax authorities, so they came to his farm to confiscate the exhibit. When they arrived at his door, he said, "I suppose you have come all this way to admire my exhibit as well?" "No," they said. "We've come to seize your berry, not to praise it."
A man walks into a doctor's office and asks the doctor to inspect his leg. The man says, "Here, put your ear to my knee." The doctor puts his ear to the man's knee and hears very faintly, "Come on, can I have five bucks, just five bucks?" The doctor steps back in horror, and the man says, "I know, but it gets worse. Put your ear to my shin." The doctor puts his ear to the man's shin and hears very faintly, "Come on, can I have ten bucks, just ten bucks?" Once again, the doctor stands up, very perplexed. The man then says, "If that surprises you, put your ear to my ankle." The doctor puts his ear to the man's ankle and hears oh so faintly, "Come on, can I have twenty bucks, just twenty bucks?"
The doctor then stands up and says, "Well, I can I make just one conclusion. Your leg is broke in three places."
This guy wanted to get into a night club with a few friends. Unfortunately the dress code stated that without a tie he couldn't get in. His friends didn't have a spare necktie between them but one of them said, 'Hey, I've got an idea. I have a set of jumper cables in the back of my car. Tie them round your neck, tuck in the ends and you should pass by the doormen. On re-entering the club, one bouncer was suspicious of his neckwear. On inspection, he relented as long as the guy behaved ... and didn't start anything!
When Kit Carson wasn't out exploring, he lived on a small farm. One day, the famous frontiersman decided to surprise his wife with eggs and fish for breakfast.
Arising early, he went down to the henhouse and collected some fresh eggs. There were only six.
On the way back, he stopped at the pond and landed a magnificient large-mouth bass. He wasn't sure how to carry everything---then he had an idea. He carefully dropped the eggs inside the fish and started for home. Suddenly, the Western hero found himself confronted by a mean, hungry looking wolf. Fearing that he might become a meal for the canine, he threw the bass aside and hurried up a nearby tree. From there, he watched as the wolf grabbed his fish, eggs and all, and ran off.
When Carson got back home empty handed, he related the adventure to Mrs. Carson, who responded, saying, "You shouldn't have put all your eggs in one bass, Kit."