There was a diary several days ago which I did read because the term “dick” was used in a derogatory way to imply being an asshole. I am replying today to suggest using non-sexist and non-homophobic slurs for being a jerk off (opps, better stay away from that one myself). I do this because I truly think we can find better words to use that don’t have that hint of misandry behind them, as if being a man is somehow bad. That pisses me off (better stay away from that one too however that one does seem to be gender neutral)..
I think that there’s something pretty serious going on when the worst thing a woman man can call another man OR ANOTHER WOMAN - an asshole -uses terms that imply that being a man or being gay is somehow akin to being a jerk off (damn, slipped up on that one again). And I think a WOMAN telling a MAN not to be upset about it is pretty damned sexist (oh, shit, used the word "pretty" with sexist, this is getting hard). And also pretty damned typical. It’s a lot like white people telling African Americans that they are seeing discrimination where it doesn’t exist. It indicates to me that the person informing others how they should feel or react is avoiding examining his or her own sexism or racism or homophobia or especially her misandry.
I have a dick. Women have said I am a big dick. I like it. So does my girlfriend, and the other women I’ve slept with over the years. It also serves a useful purpose. It’s the passage by which my sperm makes their way northward to fertilize an egg. If that fertilized egg makes it through 9 months of pregnancy (something which only happens to women, may I point out), my dick is the passageway to life outside the uterus..
I am damned sick and tired of WOMEN telling me what I am allowed to be outraged over. And my outrage is neither faux, nor due to hypersensitivity.
Because WORDS MATTER.
Words tell us a lot about what people really think. And using words related to masculinity to denote being an asshole ( omg, I really didn't know how I was offending the gays be saying that!, or for that matter any of the sexes who enjoy anal sex, dammit, now this has gotten real complicated!!!) says a LOT about the person using those words. And when a woman puts you down for being annoyed at the insult—and my comment was framed in a fairly joking way—it says even more, none of it complimentary to the one saying it.
It says that person believes men are somehow less than women, that we are flawed for being not-women. The same is true for gay men—they’ve got dicks too..
Just being male means you can’t be a dick, or you’d fold after the first time the women during pms and/or perimenopause (ya ladies, it's not the menopause you need to worry about, it's the years of perimenopause before) decides to throw your clothes away, uncontrollable crying, rage, writing blogs damning harmless slang, etc. You know what I'm talking about. No, we don't fold, we stick it out (god dammit, I did not mean it that way!), respect and love our woman or man. .
If these attitudes didn't have an impact in real men's lives, I might cut the person some slack. But they do have an effect. Men's dick have been used for centuries by women to conquer empires. Today, the majority of the people in the work force and on college campuses are women. The middle class blue collar jobs are gone for which our male hormones were tailored made to work. Not that women can't do that work however I haven't seen any female masons lately. We put up with a lot of crap in this world—yet we still manage to love and respect our female friends and spouses.
What it comes down to is simple: there’s a lot of unacknowledged misandry and homophobia swirling around. If the worst thing you can say about a man or women is call him or her a "dick", then it indicates a certain lack of respect for men, and a certain devaluation of us. And when you then tell a man he shouldn’t bother his pretty little dickhead about it, and if he does express anger, he’s oversensitive and should worry about real problems—you know like the two wars, housing crisis, jobless recovery, —it is rather damned insulting.
Because words DO matter. They reflect the way the world thinks, and the speaker thinks. It’s why LGBT people want full marriage, rather than civil unions, even if a civil union confers all the same benefits (they don’t, but even if they did, it indicates that gays have a separate-but-equal status, and we know how well that works). And when someone uses an offensively sexist term, it tells me they think less of me because I have a dick.
Unless the Dick you are referring to is Dick Cheney, in which case, make that clear, or you’re being sexist.
So, yeah, I am mad—and I plan to stay mad. We are more than our genitalia. We are more than our sexual orientation. And I believe Kossacks are well-educated enough to find better words to describe being a jerk —than to use terms which denigrate men, our dicks, and, yes, and even the womens pussies..