I've been floating around political circles for nearly three decades and have never meet an individual whom I trust and believe in more than this president. In the course of these diaries installments these next few days I will attempt to express why. Keep in mind I am not a great writer nor claim expertise in any fields of higher learning.
I believe it was William Shakespeare that once wrote to thy own self be true. It is an easy concept in principle but not so easily practiced, at least it has not been by this author. In life we have negative or positive experiences that shapes our viewpoints on a whole host of issues some of which we aren’t even aware of. I grew up in a mixed family, religious and socially active politically as a Republican. When I was a child my parents and grandparents were delighted that I held an interest for public service and they encouraged me to pursue it. This is a rather long and complicated sojourn but for the sake of brevity I will condense it to the best of my ability.
Growing up I was surrounded by people from all walks of life. Our residence was located near Fort Lee a US Army military base in a tiny town located in the heart of the Commonwealth of Virginia.
Public policy intrigued me as far back as I can remember and it was Doug Wilder (former governor of Virginia ), LeRoy and Germanie Fauntleroy (former Mayor of Petersburg, VA) and Leon Hairston (High School Government teacher) who engaged me and supported my interests as a teenager.
I would say from the age of ten years old until perhaps seventeen I truly believed that one day I could be president of the U.S.A. My family and friends told me it was possible and I believed them of course. But much later I realized this was an impossible dream.
The fondest memories of my life were the days spent actively working with the community leaders. It was because of the encouragement of former US Representative Robert W Daniels of Brandon, Plantation (my neighbor) and US Senator John Warner’s mentorship that I became active in the Republican party . At age fifteen I was elected the first African American of a Virginia local chapter of TARS (Teen Age Republicans.) So many wonderful things happened during this time period of my life and I was always supported and encouraged by family and many politicians from mayors to governors. There are two great memories I have attending two of many Republican fundraisers ; one was with my idol Governor John Dalton which was hosted at a Holiday Inn perched on I-95 in Petersburg, Virginia – this was a pretty high dollar venue for our community of 15,000 inhabitants. As I recall I was introduced to the governor and someone from our group of teenagers (I was the only minority) suggested taking a photo but we were out of film. The governor insisted that we commandeer film for our photos later in the evening. One of our group members bee-lined out from the venue to a local merchant for film and quickly returned. There were at least 1,000 people at the dinner, more important than teenagers especially since we could not vote thus our hopes and chances for a photo were not favorable. As the dinner drew on and over an hour passed, surely enough Governor Dalton and his wife Eddie appeared again to our table asking us if we had film yet. The photo taken of me and the governor embracing and shaking hands landed on the front page of the society page of the Progress-Index with me beaming with pride. Several months later I along with family friends were invited to the governor’s mansion in Richmond, one of many rendezvous at the mansion with two other governors as well. The other incident I shall never ever forget was meeting Elizabeth Taylor at the John Marshall Hotel, at another Republican fundraiser for her new husband Senator John Warner of Atoka Farms.
All my political engagements shaped a profound philosophical belief that unbridled commerce and limited government were the bedrock of our sovereignty. I also held a belief that citizens held a noble responsibility to elect stewards which represented the interests of their constituency. Throughout my early years growing up in the Commonwealth of Virginia the offices of my congressional delegations regardless of political affiliation were always open to me. If I thought something was not correct or a friend or someone unknown approached me with a problem, I knew who to channel the information to and always, always the matters were resolved.
Let me be clear, I was not a stellar student and was not from a family of wealthy means. My actions or interactions as a teenager were those of a young man who had a deep desire for public service and saw it as a duty.
In 1980 I received a nomination and acceptance to represent USA teenagers, one of twenty under age 18, at the First Secretary of Education and Secondary Academia Symposium in Washington, D.C. held at George Washington University sponsored by the Reagan Administration. There were a total of about 400 participants from universities and collages throughout the USA. To reiterate the main body of this meeting consisted of academic scholars, the teenagers (small group) were invited to participate and offer suggestion on how to encourage young people to aspire towards secondary education. If I recall correctly there were few minorities and I was the only black in my group. I do not know to this day who nominated me or why I was selected. But I am pleased with the experience; following this trip to Washington I also received an invitation for Tea at the White House with the Reagan's along with TAR (Teen Age Republicans) from all chapters stateside.
After a whirlwind period as a youth activist for the Republican establishment of Virginia I was nearing graduation and decided I wanted to attend the university of Virginia or William and Mary. I also wanted to attend West Point.; US Senators (Warner and Trible) and Governor Charles Robb and mayor Fauntleroy all nominated me for the academy.
At this point I will advance forward in this traverse to the beginning of my discovery about self-worth. Around age eighteen I knew that I could never achieve my political goals because I held a secret desire for close males’ friendships and sex. I truly did not know what being homosexual was and after discovery of its meaning I really denied that I was. I still maintained a desire for females and had many girlfriends. I did know however that this was the beginning of living a lie and invariably the conclusion of my quest for political service. Years passed and I continued to hide my secret, at a point it became confusing and a distraction keeping me away from dear friends and family. This was the greatest shame and betrayal of all that I knew and loved.
I became to believe myself unworthy of public service. I was a coward without the strength to confront the reality of being true to myself. This destroyed one of my biggest and perhaps greatest dreams but not my life.
Being African-American and homosexual is not a scenario which I wish even upon my worst enemy. The black community is traditionally socially conservative thus finding a support group to aide in sorting out the issues of identity was not available when I was younger. Yet even today I had nothing positive of my experiences with homosexual support groups in fact taking it further I can state that they have never been there for me or anyone who looks like me. It is not with crassness I say this but by experiences which I have documented. Long ago I learned in life to judge people not by what others say about them but by how they treat you individually.
I don’t know but of the experiences which I had working with the GLBT community it has been more about superficial things than of substance. There again I too can be superficial (after all I am an artist) and am aware of the discrimination which minorities face in the GLBT communities which is seldom if ever addressed.
This also can be said about black support organizations and individuals in power to help but who do not. There is much work to be done in our own backyards which those individuals in influential positions who have strong voices ignore.
We are each born blank canvases and everything we learn is taught and by experiences. No tribe is monolith there are good and bad within all. The best that one can hope for is to expand one’s mind to see and accept things within others which we might disagree or agree.
Until the year 2000 I had many secrets from those I loved which I feel horrible about keeping hidden. Today I am rejoicing in the beautiful and exceptional life which I have lived and determined even more to represent that which I believe is good about my American heritage and the experiences along the way to maturity.
At the moment I am struggling to survive as an artist in this difficult economy but nothing is more important nor has more meaning than my mission towards assisting grassroots efforts raise money to have their voices heard in the re-election of President Barack Obama in 2012. I will be posting diaries of my observation throughout the coming month and reflecting upon what it like for someone like me to face challenges as a disabled American veteran of color and member of the GLBT tribes.
Some of you perhaps might be able to relate and others not so much, nonetheless, my story is an experience of a citizen in quest of the American Dream. Without hope and dreams in our lives one merely exists.
I close this diary by saying never allow anyone but you to define who you are.