Manure futures rose sharply on world exchanges this afternoon with fears that the unusually strong earthquake near Washington, DC may disrupt global supplies of bullshit in the face of strong global demand for Washington's primary export.
Washington DC is home to about 30% of the world's bullshit supply but more importantly, it produces nearly 90% of the light-sweet bullshit that major media outlets such as CNN and FOX News depend on.
Even before this crisis, President Obama had been under pressure, in light of a weak economy, and fear of a double-dip recession, to tap the U.S. Strategic Bullshit Reserve. The SBR once held an inconceivable amount of bullshit measured in Chutzpah Units, but unfortunately the Bush administration squandered it on the war in Iraq.