In Depth Earthquake Report

Standin' on Shaky Ground

The earthquake swarm that was centered in Washington DC and ravaged eastern North America from Toronto to Atlanta, GA on Tuesday had deep seated causes, not all of which were natural causes, according to a new analysis of Drudge Report stories released by The Gateway Pundit yesterday...

Epicenter was situated at the convergence of Bush's Fault, Congress's Fault, Teaparty Fault, and Itsnotmy Fault.

There are widepread concerns that ripple effects will spread across the globe undermining the foundations of human civilization, crumbling infrastructure everywhere, leaving us all on shaky ground, while President Tim Geithner of Goldman Sachs has promised that he will order the White House and the US Treasury to bail out anyone of any consequence, not including you and me of course, though he did chuckle softly and advise that while groceries are beyond your means, biting a bullet if you can afford one may help relieve hunger pangs...

Mr. Obama couldn't think of anything to say at this time, although video surveillance cameras at the corner of Pennsylvania Avenue and Bipartisan Boulevard have revealed that the cause was the poison pill strategy of swallowing all the medicine republicans have brought to the table for the past two and a half years, in one big gulp, and that being fast on your feet is your only salvation....