Okay, well, maybe I exaggerate. Just a little. But the mere fact that I can say that "it wasn't so bad - at least they didn't give me a body search" is pretty damn wrong.
Twice in the past two months, I have been subjected to invasive searches by my own government. I have been humiliated to the point of tears and scared to the point of feeling like my heart was going to jump out of my chest.
Why? Follow my crimes below the fold....
Today I'm having an end of summer fiesta with my neighbor at our place in San Diego. I'm a major foodie, and I love to entertain; I'm notorious for going out of my way to find the best produce or meat, or the most authentic ingredients.
We live - literally - 15 minutes from the border. I can see Mexico from my front porch (despite such august qualifications, I declined to be Obama's Secretary of State). Yesterday afternoon I decided I would take a ride down to TJ, pick up some interesting tequila (i.e. mezcal), possibly some cheese, chiles and tortillas, and just soak up the ambience in general. Within 30 minutes, I was munching on a delicious lengua street taco and sipping a super yummy margarita.
I did some shopping, picked up two bottles of tequila and several other items. In a restaurant, I chatted with the owner and he told me that we could only bring back one bottle of tequila. Damn! Oh well, I'd bury them in my trunk and drive back; what are the chances, right? In the 13 years that I have lived here, I have never had any trouble at the border.
At the border, traffic was really light. I was telling myself how cool this was, a quick little jaunt to a foreign country there and back in three hours. Awesome!
Ha. Ha.
The guard asks the usual question:
"What brought you here today?"
"I just came for lunch"
"Just for lunch?"
"Yes."
"By yourself?"
"Yes."
"Do you have anything to declare?"
"No."
"Open your trunk please."
Okay, you might say this is where I went wrong. However, as far as I know, we are allowed to bring in up to $400 worth of stuff. And it turns out the restaurant owner was wrong about the booze. Anyways.... The officer finds my tequila and asks me why I was hiding it. I sheepishly told him that someone had told me that I was only allowed to bring in one bottle. That was it. Secondary inspection.
Scary shit here. Within two minutes I see three people arrested and taken away in hand cuffs, including the guy who was in front of me. Dogs everywhere, and several empty cars had ICE officers crawling all over them, inside and out. I don't know what to think; am I going to be busted for "smuggling" tequila? Especially the mezcal? How long am I going to be here?
I know this sounds crazy, but I was even getting a little paranoid. Did I have any weed in my car? I don't own any, and haven't bought any in a super long time, but damn. I have loaned out my car to friends... Maybe somehow drugs have mysteriously appeared somewhere on or in my car...? I know this sounds ridiculous, but when you're sitting there not knowing a damn thing, and watching people getting busted all around you, your mind starts playing tricks on you.
So an officer finally approaches my car, and basically asks me the same questions. Only this time he wants to know what restaurant I ate at, and what I ate. Again, with the same incredulous look - I guess single women having lunch and shopping (oh dear - alone?!) is super suspicious. Pop the trunk, again, pop the hood. Checks under the car, wheel wells, goes through my interior (luckily my car is pretty clean), glove box, console, etc.
So, after about 45 minutes of heart racing anxiety, they finally let me go. As I laid in bed even seven hours later, I realized that I was still shaken up.
And, last time I traveled, in July, I was treated to an "enhanced" body search. I guess I made the mistake of moving in the scanner. I could feel my cheeks flush and tears welling up in my eyes. It was humiliating.
This disgusts me. Twice in the past two months I have been made to feel like a criminal in my own country. Once, just for twitching in a god damned scanner - excuse me for being a little nervous while some unseen government official goes on a virtual exploration of my body cavities.... A second time, just for wanting to have a little lunch and shopping - gasp! - on my own.
I'm sure some of you may say that I should have declared the booze. Well, maybe you're right. But the reason I didn't is because I was already scared; I did feel like a damn drug smuggler. And two bottles of tequila? Really?
My whole point is that this just plain sucks. I did not do anything wrong. Yet, I have been treated as though I had. I have been detained. I have been searched. I have been interrogated. For no good reason.
By the way, they let me keep everything, including the queso and the chiles, so I really wasn't doing anything wrong. Or was I...? Fuck, I don't know anymore.
Beware fellow Americans... you can be guilty if they say you are.