Well, folks, it's taken a while to get to this point, but thanks to the Teahadis, the Tealiban, the FundamenTealists, and the LiberTearians, we are now about to embark on a "wonderful" new adventure, one not experienced by any generation since the 1930s. The government's sterling AAA credit rating has been downgraded to AA+, our unemployment rate has been above 8 percent for more than 2 years, our GDP is scraping along, government workers are being laid off and/or union-busted in droves, the market is skydiving without a parachute, home values are largely underwater already, and nobody's buying anything(well, except for rich people, but I digress).
But don't worry folks, the same brain trust that brought you Debt Ceiling Crisis I: Give Us What We Want or The Economy Gets It, and Debt Ceiling Crisis II: The Economy Gets It Anyway will soon be bringing us relief. They will be looking to get rid of that Kenyan librul soshulest facist and his comrades in Congress, in order to:
1. Kill the EPA
2. Kill the Department of Education and the student loan program
3. Kill the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau...and Dodd-Frank
4. Kill the Affordable Care Act...and, eventually, Medicare
5. "Privatize" Social Security
6. Deregulate, well, everything...except of course, for marriage, abortion, contraception and anything else they don't particularly care for
7. "Balance" the budget...followed by more tax cuts for the rich...followed by more "shared sacrifice"(i.e., the middle class and the poor get to share in the pain)...followed by more tax cuts for the rich...followed eventually by our great national implosion
8. implementation of their job creation plan: 1. Steal Underpants 2. ??? 3. Jobs!
9. Bombing 3 randomly selected Central Asian countries--but in a pinch, Venezuela will do as well
10. Respecting the sacred Constitution...by adding a bunch of frivolous amendments
Can you feel the TeaMentum? Doesn't it feel TeaRiffic? Aren't these puns TeaRibble?
I'm just a working stiff with a newly minted JD, hoping to someday find that mythical decent lawyer job, which I assume is grazing in the field with the other unicorns. But I know I've got to find a way to help fight against the Tea-monuclear war on America, even if it's just a few cups shy of a pitcher. I'm in, for the duration. Let's make them own this Great Teapression, and pay the price for it next November!