*"Quick question for you-is it normal for my period to sync up with other female-bodied people? After doing the Vagina Monologues with 12 others, I got my period sooner! Gosh, ladybits are just so weird and confusing-but I don't have to worry about stuff like that now that you're looking out for me! ...And my vagina. And cervix. And uterus. And ovaries. Thanks for keeping my pretty little head from even having to think about 'down there', Senator Garrett!"
*"Hey, since you’re so interested in my health, I just wanted to let you know that I’ve been really horny lately because I’m ovulating. But don’t worry; I won’t engage in dangerous heterosexual sex that could result in a pregnancy. This is because I’m a really fat and hairy Lesbian and I plan on having sex with women for the rest of my life, the really butchy dykey kind. The current object of my affections, and central character in the majority of the sexual fantasies at the moment, is Alison Bechdel (pictured below). Thanks for showing me the light in regards to my own sexual health, in affirming that having sex with men in more trouble than it’s worth. The fact that women are sexier anyway, it just a happy coincidence."
*"Hello Senator. My daughter is still young, but will one day be a woman, and before I know it she'll be having her 'curse,' if ya know what I mean... it's not easy for kids, especially females, to have to deal with this fact of life. I don't raise my kids to be Christian, even though some of my best friends are, and they have family in Thailand, so essentially they're half Buddhist. My question to you is, is religion aside, what should she expect from a government here in the U.S. that wants to probe her vagina? How do I explain to her the whole 'good touch, bad touch' thing when politicians think it's acceptable to explore vaginas with plastic instruments? Also, is this part of a plan to create jobs somehow?"
P.S. Perhaps Dave Albo might be another Republican politician willing to answer your women's health questions, since he also claims to know a great deal about this topic (although, sadly, his wife won't get it on with him anymore).
P.P.S. A few more to provide feedback to include Gov. McDonnell, LG Bolling, Del. "Sideshow Bob" Marshall (best known as the co-author of the anti-gay "Marshall-Newman" amendment), Sen. Dick "Plastic Fetuses" Black, Sen. Steve Martin, Sen. Jeff McWaters, or any of these folks.
UPDATE: I was just thinking, the following graphic applies equally to Ryan McDougle and everyone else who supported the transvaginal insanity!
UPDATE #2: Also, don't even THINK we're going to apologize to you for this!
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