Mitt Romney—after spending roughly 10 trillion dollars and much of the last 4 years campaigning in Iowa, Romney didn’t get any more votes than he did 4 years ago. Iowans are showing as much enthusiasm for Romney as the typical 5-year-old has for Broccoli. Still, a win is a win and in the land of the blind, Cyclops Romney is still King.
Rick Santorum—Santorum didn’t “win” Iowa as much as he was simply caught standing at the right place at the right time when the game of musical chairs stopped and he was closest to the only remaining chair. Santorum was the only remaining non-Romney candidate left who hadn’t been thoroughly and convincingly discredited. It should be noted that moldy bread and curdled milk can look appealing to people who have been deprived of food for prolonged periods of time too. Prediction: by the time Mitt Romney and his Super PAC allies get through defining Santorum through negative TV ads, the former Pennsylvania Senator’s record will be made to look further to left than Ted Kennedy’s and Bernie Sanders’. Oh, and don’t be surprised if the Romney slime machine implies that Santorum is not only pro-gay rights, but might actually be Gay. Santorum had better enjoy his moment in the sun, because it’s not going to last very long.
Ron Paul. Congrats are in order for Ron Paul and his third place finish. Paul is providing a highly valuable public service. Paul is showing that racists, anti-Semites and out-right Klansman still have a spokesperson they can admire, respect and support in the GOP. Well-done Doc—please keep it up.
Newt Gingrich—is there anything better than watching Newt when he is angry, petulant and feeling aggrieved? Too bad he can’t shut down the Federal government today, just to annoy Mitt Romney. Newt Gingrich’s chances of becoming President are no worse today than they were before the Iowa Caucus, because his chances were always roughly the same as Sadam Hussein’s. Now that even Newt will have dispensed with the pretence of running for President, Gingrich can do what he does best, and that is attack his opponent (Romney) as “sick,” “pathetic,” and “socialistic.” I can’t wait.
Rick Perry. Perry says he’s going back to Texas to “assess” his campaign. Rick, here is the only assessment you will ever need regarding your campaign: “You stink! You are stupid and lazy and nobody wants you or thinks you can or should ever be president.”
Michele Bachmann. Bachmann’s cheap Sarah Palin impersonator vaudeville act is wearing so thin you can see through it all the way to Russia. Bachmann had her moment in the sun. Now she needs to go home and help her husband grow his “gay-conversion” medical center, or something equally ridiculous.
From Americanlp.org