A few moments ago, through no fault of my own, I found myself shot in the chest. Bam. What I believe to be a .38 caliber bullet, right in the ol' torso.
Now, this may sound bad. And I'm not going to lie, it stings a little bit, and the edges of my vision are getting dark and blurry.
But I am not caving in and going to a hospital. The thing is, as horrific and terrible as this is, I know this shooting is what God intended to happen, and I am not one to question His plan. This bullet lodged in my left ventricle is a gift from Him, and to forcibly extract it from its home in my heart would be an affront to His plan.
As I lay here contemplating this new gift, however, it occurs to me that while I feel pretty great about my decision, there are some out there - especially women! - who might not have the foresight or mental capacity to come to this correct conclusion.
Thus, with however many breaths I have left, I am going to be encouraging my friends and family to line up behind the Mourdock/Romney/Luxury-Yacht Act of 2012, which will forbid healthcare treatment for those fortunate enough to have received God's gift of medium-caliber ammunition in a vital organ.
Thank you and God bless America.