Dear Conservatives, the voters have spoken. They want to tax the rich. They like Barack Obama better than you. Your "Southern Strategy" and hardcore base of pissed off white guys who are bad at math has collapsed. Nearly a month after the re-election it is totally obvious that you haven't learned a goddamn thing. I understand this is hard for you. There are a few things you need to get right before you can enter the 21st century.
Women are all walking around thinking they have the right to make decisions about their bodies. It's because they do. You're never going to convince them otherwise. Reproductive rights should not be a topic of conversation in the 21st century. We can not decide as a species that one half of our population should not be in control of their own bodies.
Gay people are getting married and there is nothing you can do to stop them from having teh buttsecks and loving each other. They will continue to adopt and have kids. They will attend church and contribute to the social fabric of this country. This is not something you can reverse. This is not the 1950s. The millennial's are the most tolerant generation in our history and your homophobic message will not work for much longer.
Demonizing Latino-Americans is no longer a winning strategy. If you insist on keeping Steve King, Jan Brewer and Joe Arapio in your party don't act surprised when you lose Latino voters for the next few generations. Oh, and good luck breaking that news to your xenophobic base of pissed off white guys.
Climate change is real. Our world is changing. Man-made pollution is real. Is Hurricane Sandy going to be the new normal? You can not deny climate change any longer. When you do you screw over me and everyone else on this planet.
You can not deny basic science.
You can not deny basic arithmetic.
Tax cuts don't create jobs. They create deficits. The last decade proves that. Spending cuts on non-military expenditures alone can not fix a deficit that was created by runaway military spending, tax cuts for the rich and revenue lost when the economy collapsed because we let the banks get too big to fail and they went and failed anyway. No one ever amputated a patient back to perfect health.
On the whole, the GOP message is still myopic, a dreary world that pines for the good old days when women and brown people held no political power. Good luck selling that message to women and brown people.
Slightly more rant below the lacy orange throw pillow of righteous indignation . . .
Math. Science. Recent history. Reality.
These aren't up for debate. Science says that evolution is real and the earth is not 6,000 years old. There is no arguing this. We do not have the time frame to be able to let these straw-men kabuki theater charlatans have a say anymore. Dear Republicans, America is changing and there is nothing you can do to stop it. Young people don't like you at all, and they tend to live longer than old people. If John McCain is your most prominent voice again, you are fucked.
Here are a few more things you need to know.
You can't nominate a minority to be President until your electoral base is no longer openly hostile to minorities.
If you talk to poor people like they are idiots, only idiots will follow you. A vast majority of Americans think they are middle class. Most Americans are poor, working poor, or lower middle class. We have let income inequality get worse then the Gilded Age. This is the Gilded age of Wall Street on steroids. Guess what, Republicans; you built that. Republicans can not talk to the rest of us until they realize that those "job creators" are vulture capitalists destroying labor and wages. Republicans who long for the strong economy of their parents world must be forced to recognize that labor unions and Democrats who fought for FDR's New Deal policies made that possible. Republicans need to understand that it is not just their candidates who suck, it's their policies that suck too.
When you have a base of know-nothing idiots who watch Fox News all day, they nominate idiots to run for office. What has the Tea Party contributed to our national conversation and government that has not been harmful to our national prosperity? Name one Republican idea that doesn't involve cutting, lowering or ending something we already have. If you republicans decide that somehow you were not conservative enough during the Bush/Cheney years and your only answer is to double down on bat-shit crazy ideas that have already failed then you don't deserve a place at the table anymore.
When idiots run for office they do and say idiotic shit.
When idiots run for office and do and say idiotic shit the Republican party loses badly.
Don't have a base of idiots.
Turn off Fox News.
Living in your own fantasy world may feel nice and even comforting but math is real and Republican math just doesn't add up. Joe Biden trounced your math genius Paul Ryan, who couldn't be bothered to do the math on his own proposals. Tax cuts don't create revenue, they create deficits, but Republican math isn't designed to add up, it is designed to do the one thing Republicans care about, making rich people richer. David Koch and Rupert Murdoch aren't paying for moderation. The fact is, Republican tax policies create deficits on purpose so Republicans can use those deficits as an excuse to destroy the social programs they have always tried to destroy. Watching Republicans wail about the deficits they created reminds me of that Gilbert Godfried joke about the guy who goes to the bar and then comes home drunk and tells his wife about how some other guy at the bar shit in his pants.
The GOP, ran from the top down as it has always been, will try to re-brand themselves again. Grover Norquist, corporate pilot fish that he is, has already threatened tea party 2.0 if the fiscal cliff is crossed. I'm sorry, but this is no country for butt-hurt old men. The tea party was not a second wind, it was a last gasp. The Republican party will not change their ideas because their ideology is set in stone. Their ideas having been rejected again in the face of an electorate that is moving away from them, the GOP has only one real choice left.
Get some new ideas or die.
Or the electoral beatings will continue until your myopic ideology improves.
Big hat tip to our fellow Kossack
Tool, who contributed a great deal to this post.
The floor is now yours.
