CDC ATLANTA FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
The US Center for Disease Control hereby announces that the TX-9, referred to as the "TEHSTOOPID" virus, has not only become airborne but has proliferated outside the US borders and has begun infecting politicians and media internationally. Below is a track of the spread of the most recent mutation of TEHSTOOPID, which has been around in some form since the beginning of recorded history.
CDC Atlanta believes that the most recent mutation of TEHSTOOPID virus can be sourced back to the Discovery Institute, likely originating with Jay Richards, who on Monday was observed rambling incoherently while in a conversation with Phyllis Schafly (herself a carrier of previous virus mutuations) on how gay marriage hurts individual freedom. The CDC regrets not knowing realizing this incident was, in fact, a symptom of a likely new mutation of TEHSTOOPID and believes the interference from the chorus of LOL's across our communication channels for 2 days following the incident contributed to the delay.
We then believe the virus was transported via car to the Atlanta area, where the next symptomatic individual was observed. We are unsure at this time how many infected traveled into the Atlanta area and who the particular carrier of the virus that infected Hillary Rosen was, primarily because regular human activity on US interstate highways can often be mistaken for symptoms of TEHSTOOPID.
The CDC, knowing Hillary Rosen is a Democrat and couldn't possibly have been in a sane state of mind when commenting on Ann Romney/stay-at-home moms in a way that can only be described as obvious TEHSTOOPID.
Though we are unsure of the delivery vehicle that allowed this horrible virus to go international, nonetheless it is clear that it in fact as permeated the entire US as well as at least the British Isles and East Asia nations, as shown in the following examples:
US
UK
South Korea
Japan
Australia
The above examples show symptomatic behavior of TEHSTOOPID. Human beings, the most evolved and sentient creature on the planet, describe these symptoms in lay terms such as "Poking an animal with a stick", "Wrestling a hurt bear", "Why the fuck are you throwing rocks at a crazy, sick, starving, wounded, and humiliated animal with really sharp and possibly radioactive claws", etc. However, lay terminology should not distract scientists from noticing a real pattern.
This behavior by national and international politicians and media cannot come from a sane mind; therefore the experts at the CDC deduce that the TX-9 TEHSTOOPID must have arrived overseas.
If you encounter anyone displaying an abnormal amount of TEHSTOOPID symptoms as listed above, or believe other strange behavior may be notably uncharacteristic of a person you know, please do not hesitate to report your observations to the CDC. When you reach us, please note to the operator that YOU SEE SOMEONE ACTING SO FUCKING TEHSTOOPID THAT THEY MUST BE OUT OF THEIR MINDS, and you will be transferred to the correct emergency team. Thank you.
CDC ATLANTA FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE