Yes, you read the title correctly.
There are too many diaries on Daily Kos discussing how women can better protect themselves from rapist. Don't go out after dark. Pay attention to your surroundings. Don't wear slutty clothes. Don't get drunk. Take a self defense class.
I want to try a different approach. What if we as mothers sat our sons down and explained to them proper sexual etiquette. As part of our "safe sex" lectures about condoms and respect and good hygiene, we also taught them how to avoid ever being in that category of "rapist".
Here are some tips I would like to pass along to my son.
1. Don't have sex with people you don't respect or care about and vice versa.
I would like to think that my son would only have sex with people he is desperately in love with but I live in 2012 and frankly am determined to not stick my head in the ground about sex. I want my son to have a great sex life and part of good sex involves respect.
2. Don't have sex with people you can't talk about the basic functions of sex.
If you are too embarrassed to talk about things like birth control, blow jobs, who sleeps in the wet spot, what is or isn't okay, then you probably should not be having sex with that person. Sex requires communication and if the above questions can't be answered than don't do it.
3. Don't have sex intoxicated or with an intoxicated person.
I feel like these days we as society still give a pass to men who rape drunk girls. We only kind of have gotten over women wearing slutty clothes. But should you be caught drinking as a woman, well you had it coming (snark). I will stress this rule with my son. Drunk people don't make good decisions. Drunk sex isn't good sex. Don't wake up with a hangover and a possible criminal charge.
4. No means no, even mid stroke.
People change their minds. I don't care if she/he ripped off all their clothes and demand you satisfy them. If three seconds before the big moment, she says no, you stop. No questions asked, no accusations, no nothing. No really does mean no. No man has ever died because of blue balls. NONE.
5. You will never regret the sex you didn't have.
Using the above rules, you might go home lonely and horny. Sex you were suppose to have will find you. If she/he really wants to, then when they sober up/get to know you better/are willing to sit down and have that conversation, it will be so much better.
And finally
6. Ho's absolutely before bro's.
Good guys don't let their friends rape women. If you ever see a girl/women in a not nice situation, it your responsibility to step in. Get her back to friends. Get her a cab. Have a little whisper in your friends ear.
Do I think my son is going up to be a rapist? No. But I do think we live in different times. We can openly discuss sex. We can openly as mothers and women set up proper sexual guidelines. We can remove the ambiguity of right and wrong long before our children hit sexual maturity. We can actually do society a favor and make sure our sons aren't the problem.