So, I wasn't sure if this counted as a GUS (giving up smoking) diary or not, but I felt the need to put it down here. I'm on my last pack right now. Ten cigarettes left. Those will be gone, between my wife and I, by tomorrow morning, and I'll start the day smoke-free. It's rough even thinking about, since I work at three in the morning and my morning smoke helped me get going, but I know that's just an excuse. The truth is, I'm scared.
I quit before, years ago, then, when I was going through my divorce, I decided to pick it up again. I remembered how it helped with the stress, and, even though the first few made me sick, I was soon back into it. Dumbest fucking thing I ever did. After five years of not smoking, I basically picked it back up to say "Screw you!" to my ex-wife. I know that's an awful thing to say and do, but there it is.
But now I'm quitting again, for a lot of reasons. To be perfectly honest, one of the biggest is the damn price. When I first started smoking, the first time, I was seventeen, the year was 1993, and I could buy a pack of Marlboro's for about a dollar. Now my Camels cost me about seven bucks a pack in Washington state, and I only work part time. Spending two hundred dollars a month on smokes when you only make eight hundred is a bit stupid. That's two hundred bucks I could spend on damn near anything else.
The next, and, honestly, the biggest, is my two boys, Isaac and Jude. They deserve a dad who doesn't stink, isn't always broke and isn't always sneaking around, trying to make sure they don't see me smoking. I'm sick of it, frankly.
I know it's going to suck. I've been here before. I know that it's a one day at a time deal, and I'm ready to start. I know that my friends and family are going to be sick of my shitty attitude, but I also know that, sometime in the future, sometime soon, I will have a day when I don't even think about cigarettes. And then a week. And then a month, and that's when I'll know that these damn things are gone.
I know that there are a lot of awesome people on here, and I'm hoping I can rely on all of you for help. Because I'm going to need it.