Last night, Jon Stewart looked at all the bigots that came out on Wednesday to eat at Chick-Fil-A in support of their homophobic CEO Dan Cathy, and mocked both sides for their protest methods.
CNN (8/2/1012): Crowds flocked to Chick-Fil-A restaurants around the nation for Appreciation Day. ... It was all to show support for the company after its president said he is against same-sex marriage.
Oh, right. And what better way to stand up and say, "I oppose gay people's right to get married", than to head down to a Chick-Fil-A, grab a hold of two buttery buns, split 'em open and gobble down some of that hot greasy cock? (wild audience applause)
Mm-mmm, you're just diving into that, you're just eating that cock. Mmmmmm! Special sauce all over your face! You don't want to swallow, but ya gots to! It's such good cock! Hey man, can I get a bag of cocks to take back to the office? God, I love chicken sandwiches! Got one in each hand, you're eating the other one, nom nom nom nom nom nom! It just feels so good to be politically active.
....
So basically so far, we got ourselves a pretty typical culture war skirmish. Doesn't seem enough to warrant a million mouth march. Until:
MICHAEL ERIC DYSON (7/26/2012): Boston mayor Thomas Menino is promising to block Chick-Fil-A from opening a store in Boston.
UNIDENTIFIED MAN (7/28/2012): The mayor, Rahm Emanuel, who threatens he's not going to allow Chick-Fil-A in Chicago.
CAROL COSTELLO (7/27/2012): And now San Francisco is telling Chick-Fil-A it is not welcome.
Oh boy. (facepalm) See how the right's always complaining about the "government persecuting them" for their beliefs, mistaking not being able to do whatever they want, whenever they want, for censorship? Ahh, well, in this case, I'm pretty sure they got something. Pretty sure you can't outlaw a company with perfectly legal business practices, because you find their CEO's views repellent. Not sure which amendment covers that, but it's probably in the top ONE.
I think maybe the mayors hadn't thought this thing through.
7/26/2012:
THOMAS MENINO: I don't want an individual who'll continue to advocate against people's rights. And that's who I am, and that's what Boston is all about.
RAHM EMANUEL: Chick-Fil-A's values are not Chicago values.
Oh really? Is being against gay marriage your standard of values? Because I'm pretty sure there's already another franchise-based anti-gay organization with branches throughout your cities you more than likely embrace.
There it is! That's the one! Over one billion served, albeit in very small portions. Not that the Chick-Fil-A-tors themselves -- (audience laughter) Is that, is the "T" silent? -- did not have their own issues with overreach.
MIKE HUCKABEE (8/1/2012): This is a big day, not for Chick-Fil-A, but for America, and for people who believe that the First Amendment applies to everybody, including Christians.
You go, Christians! And don't you stop until there's a church in every town in America! I.... (listens to earpiece) Oh really? Well, how about every block? Really? Oh well.
....
And for people who are gay, or support gay marriage, I get how seeing thousands of people come out to make this statement is incredibly disheartening. But take solace in this. Gay marriage is happening. Like many drive-thru window lanes, it ain't going backwards. And your bonus is this. You get gay marriage, and all your political opponents are going to get is Type II diabetes. (wild audience applause)
Video and full transcript below the fold.
Did you, by any chance, go out to lunch yesterday? Maybe you were forging around for a little fast food? And while you were out looking for lunch, did you notice anything peculiar?
8/2/2012:
JONATHAN CAPEHART: Hundreds of thousands of people flocked to Chick-fil0-A restaurants nationwide yesterday.
STEVE DOOCY: Thousands, perhaps, we haven't heard the figures yet, maybe millions of people lined up like that.
FOX BUSINESS: The crowds were so big at some locations that many restaurants actually ran out of chicken.
OH MY GOD!!! We're out of chicken! The nightmare scenario that the Mayans prophecied! America is out of chicken! It's the cluck-pocalypse!
So what happened? What drove hundreds of thousands of millions of billions of Americans to cry out as one organism, "I feel like a chicken sandwich"?
CNN (8/2/1012): Crowds flocked to Chick-Fil-A restaurants around the nation for Appreciation Day. ... It was all to show support for the company after its president said he is against same-sex marriage.
Oh, right. And what better way to stand up and say, "I oppose gay people's right to get married", than to head down to a Chick-Fil-A, grab a hold of two buttery buns, split 'em open and gobble down some of that hot greasy cock? (wild audience applause)
Mm-mmm, you're just diving into that, you're just eating that cock. Mmmmmm! Special sauce all over your face! You don't want to swallow, but ya gots to! It's such good cock! Hey man, can I get a bag of cocks to take back to the office? God, I love chicken sandwiches! Got one in each hand, you're eating the other one, nom nom nom nom nom nom! It just feels so good to be politically active.
It's a protest baby, yeah! ♫ Something's happenin' here. Finally! A form of activism Americans can fully embrace, effecting social change through the act of eating a fast food sandwich. Said Gandhi, "Fuck me, I had it backwards!" (wild audience applause) "Oh man, hunger strike? I should've turned that on its head!"
Now you may wonder, how did we get here? It all started two weeks ago when people got wind of the Chick-Fil-A CEO's feelings about gay marriage.
DAN CATHY (7/26/2012): I think we are inviting God's judgment on our nation when we shake our fist at him and say, you know, "We know better than you as to what constitutes a marriage." And I pray God's mercy on our generation that has such a prideful, arrogant attitude to think that we would have the audacity to try to redefine what marriage is all about.
Of course, it's perfectly OK to have the audacity to re-engineer God's chicken design to make them 95% breast meat, and then drop a couple of strips of bacon and cheese on top of those bad boys, cuz you can't take everything in Leviticus like it's the word of God. But all right, still, this man is a private citizen. He's a private citizen! He's a private citizen, it's a private business, he's got every right to his opinions. Just like other private citizens have a right to theirs.
JACKSON PEARCE (7/27/2012): To toss the word Biblical out there like it's a PR decision and a feel-good way of saying you're homophobic without risking your business, not only cheapens your Bible, but in my opinion, disrespects your God.
LAURA KANTER (7/26/2012): Those kinds of messages and that kind of rhetoric is very, very hurtful.
THOMAS ROBERTS, MSNBC (7/27/2012): If you like marriage equality and you're for marriage equality, and you go there that day, you're a chicken-eating Judas.
(shocked audience reaction)
Is there really any other kind of Judas? Let me present to you my one-man play. I give you, "The Last Supper".
"One of you... hold on... one of you will betray me!"
Play didn't really go anywhere after that.
So basically so far, we got ourselves a pretty typical culture war skirmish. Doesn't seem enough to warrant a million mouth march. Until:
MICHAEL ERIC DYSON (7/26/2012): Boston mayor Thomas Menino is promising to block Chick-Fil-A from opening a store in Boston.
UNIDENTIFIED MAN (7/28/2012): The mayor, Rahm Emanuel, who threatens he's not going to allow Chick-Fil-A in Chicago.
CAROL COSTELLO (7/27/2012): And now San Francisco is telling Chick-Fil-A it is not welcome.
Oh boy. (facepalm) See how the right's always complaining about the "government persecuting them" for their beliefs, mistaking not being able to do whatever they want, whenever they want, for censorship? Ahh, well, in this case, I'm pretty sure they got something. Pretty sure you can't outlaw a company with perfectly legal business practices, because you find their CEO's views repellent. Not sure which amendment covers that, but it's probably in the top ONE.
I think maybe the mayors hadn't thought this thing through.
7/26/2012:
THOMAS MENINO: I don't want an individual who'll continue to advocate against people's rights. And that's who I am, and that's what Boston is all about.
RAHM EMANUEL: Chick-Fil-A's values are not Chicago values.
Oh really? Is being against gay marriage your standard of values? Because I'm pretty sure there's already another franchise-based anti-gay organization with branches throughout your cities you more than likely embrace.
There it is! That's the one! Over one billion served, albeit in very small portions. Not that the Chick-Fil-A-tors themselves -- (audience laughter) Is that, is the "T" silent? -- did not have their own issues with overreach.
MIKE HUCKABEE (8/1/2012): This is a big day, not for Chick-Fil-A, but for America, and for people who believe that the First Amendment applies to everybody, including Christians.
You go, Christians! And don't you stop until there's a church in every town in America! I.... (listens to earpiece) Oh really? Well, how about every block? Really? Oh well.
Look, I have no idea what actually drove people to the Chick-Fil-A's yesterday. Supporting the First Amendment? Great. A statement about how you're tired of getting pushed around by the gay agenda? Lame. You really like chicken sandwiches, and had no idea that yesterday was Litmus Test Lunch Day.
All I know is this. If the massive culture war armageddon we've been dreading for years takes the form of record one-day chicken sandwich sales, maybe everybody walks away from this a winner. The right has finally got themselves a legitimate First Amendment gripe, and as a bonus, a fried meat sandwich-based protest that can also be seen as a little bit of a "fuck you" to a certain someone's healthy eating initiative.
And for people who are gay, or support gay marriage, I get how seeing thousands of people come out to make this statement is incredibly disheartening. But take solace in this. Gay marriage is happening. Like many drive-thru window lanes, it ain't going backwards. And your bonus is this. You get gay marriage, and all your political opponents are going to get is Type II diabetes. (wild audience applause)
So here's my prediction. "Oh, I'm the amazing Carnac." Here's my prediction. In ten years, America will have a lot more gay marriage, and a lot more Chick-Fil-A restaurants. Because they are both quality products. We'll be right back.
Jon then
looked at the problem of spoiler alerts for those people who don't want to know what happened in the Olympics until they see it on primetime, but who still decide to watch the news.
Meanwhile, after
updating the crowd about Mitt Romney's horse Rafalca at the Olympics, Stephen presented the
return of his Better Know a District series! First up, Rep.
Russ Carnahan (D-MO).
He then had another
Thought for Food segment about how scientists now say vegetables can actually talk to each other!
Jon then talked with actress Jessica Biel, and Stephen talked with MSNBC's Chris Hayes.