Offered without comment from the New York Times 9/15/12
Governor Signs Bill creating new Student Assessment System
By Jugatta B Kitinme
Albany (NY)
Fresh off the successful implementation of the new Annual Professional Performance Review (APPR) system for New York State Teachers, Governor Cuomo and State Legislators have created a new model for assessing student achievement in grades Kindergarten through 12th grade. The new system will be implemented in schools throughout the State beginning with the 2013-2014 school year. Weekly State mandated exams in all subject areas including physical education, art, music, health and lunch will make up most of the system. The new State exams will be created by private firms using $200 million dollars of taxpayer funds.
Opposed to any tax increase in the current economic climate, Governor Cuomo and lawmakers agreed to take the funding from existing school programs, including aid for subsidized breakfast and lunch, teacher training, and asbestos removal. Said Cuomo, “Our children are hungry for knowledge. If we can fill their heads with facts and figures and consume their days with state exams, they won’t have time to think about how hungry they are. We’re also comfortable with the cuts since teachers will be spending significantly greater amounts of time prepping students for exams, thereby limiting their ability to implement new and innovative teaching techniques. Why bother spending money on improvements that can’t be integrated into teaching?” Asked about the cuts to asbestos remediation work, State Senator Greg Ball, a Republican from Brewster, said, “A little asbestos never killed anyone. I’ve certainly never met anyone who got cancer from asbestos, so obviously, they can’t exist. By the way, I’m against hydro-frakking so that means I care so totally ignore the fact that my voting record is the most conservative in the State Senate. I’m a moderate, vote for me.”
Like all new initiatives from the State Education Department, the new student assessment program’s name can be shortened to an easy to remember acronym. The new system, called the Annual Student Survey For Academic Cognitive Excellence (ASSFACE), will be implemented in schools throughout the State. After taking an average of 493 State Exams each year, students will receive one of four ratings. The ratings are: Unprepared, Getting there, Learning, and Impressive. New York Commissioner of Education, Dr. John B. King, explained the rationale for the new ratings. “Right now, NY State students fall all over the UGLI scale. We don’t want classes filled with UGLI ASSFACE school children. Our new innovations will help guarantee that within a few years, all of our students will attain Impressive ASSFACE scores. Plus, by combining the ASSFACE system with the new APPR teacher assessment system, we will be able to demonstrate that our educational system has demonstrated Full Understanding of Content Knowledge and Educational Development. Because, let’s face it, there is nothing we want more than to guarantee that our students and our teachers are well and truly F.U.C.K.E.D.”