Last night, as only Stephen Colbert can do, he took apart the NRA's recent arguments on what to do about gun violence in our country.
MARICOPA COUNTY SHERIFF JOE ARPAIO: I have decided to now send a posse out — the armed posse — to the schools.
Thank God. Because nothing reassures parents more than surrounding their kids with the kind of guys who have a lot of weapons and nothing to do on weekdays.
These are the kind of reasonable solutions that we need, instead of blaming the real victims — guns. You see, former NRA president Marion Hammer knows that outlawing assault weapons is really just another form of discrimination.
MARION HAMMER (1/3/2013): Banning people and things because of the way they look went out a long time ago, but here they are again. The color of a gun, the way it looks.
(shocked audience laughter)
Folks, it's so sad, banning a gun based on its color. I'm sure if Dr. King were alive, he'd be standing with the NRA. (audience groans)
Because folks, it's just a little too convenient to be blaming guns for gun violence. Especially when the NRA has already identified the real culprits.
NRA CEO WAYNE LAPIERRE (12/21/2012): ... vicious, violent video games ... we have blood-soaked films ... our nation's refusal to create an active national database of the mentally ill ...
Clearly, the reason we have more gun deaths than anyone else in the industrialized world isn't the guns. It has to be that America is the only country in the world that has video games. We're the only country that has violent movies. And we're the only country with crazy people. Well, maybe not the only country, but certainly we've got the craziest people. And if you don't believe me, you don't have to take my word for it.
NRA CEO WAYNE LAPIERRE (12/23/2012): If it's crazy to call for putting police and armed security in our schools to protect our children, then call me crazy.
(wild audience applause)
Folks, I don't know about you folks, but I agree with Wayne LaPierre. You, sir, are fucked in the head.
Video and full transcript below the fold.
I am seriously considering moving to the Citadel because, make no mistake, they are coming for our guns. And we freedom-loving gun lovers are totally defenseless, other than, you know, the guns. Right now, gun control talk is suddenly everywhere, for reasons I don't want to get into because it undermines my position. And as a result, our dear leader Obama is more determined than ever to take away our guns, in that he has never tried to take away our guns before.
But last week, folks, he appointed Reichmarshal Biden to head up a gun safety task force that will convene a "series of meetings" and offer "recommendations" in an effort to "build consent for action".
Meetings? Recommendations? Effort? Folks, that is just a slippery slope to jack-booted Power Point presentations. Now fortunately, folks, there are rational voices out there who have a reasoned response to those who want gun regulation.
YOSEMITE SAM: Now get a-goin' 'fore I puncture yer hide!
Well said. Ladies and gentlemen, Sam is not alone. Standing with him is NRA head Wayne LaPierre, who — in the wake of unimaginable tragedy — put forth a simple plan to reassure our troubled nation.
NRA CEO WAYNE LAPIERRE (12/21/2012): I call on Congress today to act immediately to appropriate whatever is necessary to put armed police officers in every single school in this nation.
Yeah, just put armed officers in every school in the nation. They can work it into the prom theme: Enchantment Under the Siege.
(wild audience applause)
And folks, patriots like Arizona Sheriff Joe Arpaio are already implementing LaPierre's vision.
12/29/2012:
ERICA HILL: A controversial Arizona sheriff has a plan for stopping gun violence in schools. He wants an armed posse of volunteers to stand guard.
MARICOPA COUNTY SHERIFF JOE ARPAIO: I have decided to now send a posse out — the armed posse — to the schools.
Thank God. Because nothing reassures parents more than surrounding their kids with the kind of guys who have a lot of weapons and nothing to do on weekdays.
These are the kind of reasonable solutions that we need, instead of blaming the real victims — guns. You see, former NRA president Marion Hammer knows that outlawing assault weapons is really just another form of discrimination.
MARION HAMMER (1/3/2013): Banning people and things because of the way they look went out a long time ago, but here they are again. The color of a gun, the way it looks.
(shocked audience laughter)
Folks, it's so sad, banning a gun based on its color. I'm sure if Dr. King were alive, he'd be standing with the NRA. (audience groans)
Because folks, it's just a little too convenient to be blaming guns for gun violence. Especially when the NRA has already identified the real culprits.
NRA CEO WAYNE LAPIERRE (12/21/2012): ... vicious, violent video games ... we have blood-soaked films ... our nation's refusal to create an active national database of the mentally ill ...
Clearly, the reason we have more gun deaths than anyone else in the industrialized world isn't the guns. It has to be that America is the only country in the world that has video games. We're the only country that has violent movies. And we're the only country with crazy people. Well, maybe not the only country, but certainly we've got the craziest people. And if you don't believe me, you don't have to take my word for it.
NRA CEO WAYNE LAPIERRE (12/23/2012): If it's crazy to call for putting police and armed security in our schools to protect our children, then call me crazy.
(wild audience applause)
Folks, I don't know about you folks, but I agree with Wayne LaPierre. You, sir, are fucked in the head. We'll be right back.
He also looked at how a group in Idaho wants to
build a walled and armed community. Can't wait, I'm sure it'll work wonders.
He then looked at
wheat addictions.
Meanwhile, Jon looked at the Wall Street assholes at both
HSBC and at
AIG.
Al Madrigal then
looked into Michigan's Prop. 6, about a
free bridge to Canada that right-wing billionaire
Matty Moroun, who owns the ONLY current bridge, didn't want competing with him.
Stephen talked with biologist
Neil Shubin, and Jon talked with actor
Jeff Bridges.
