Died, after long struggle with infectious reality
, Hastert Rule:
For the second time this month, Boehner broke the Hastert Rule. The issue was Hurricane Sandy relief, a follow-up vote to a smaller package approved earlier this month. It passed, but the important thing is how it passed:
Yeas: 241 (192 Democrats, 49 Republicans)
Nays: 180 (Rep. Jim Cooper + 179 Republicans)
That is to say, with a minority of the majority. The first time was on the fiscal cliff, and now it's happened on hurricane relief.
Mr. Rule, caretaker at the House GOP Asylum for the Criminally Insane, is remembered by all who knew him—Democrats in particular—as an emotionally distant father, abusive husband, and hostile, litigious neighbor. However, he is also widely credited with keeping his asylum under tight control for many years, although some observers attribute much of Mr. Rule's success to his long-time pharmaceutical assistant, Nurse Ratched
More recently, Mr. Rule’s growing health problems left him largely incapacitated, making him a figure of ridicule even among the asylum’s inmates. As his mental faculties deteriorated, Mr. Rule’s increasingly bizarre orders (such as his recent call for the utter destruction of the federal government and the global financial markets) were largely ignored by his staff, including head janitor John Boehner.
Mr. Rule is survived by his close “companion,” former House Majority Leader Tom DeLay, and by his children, the 49 members of the House Tea Party Caucus.
Mr. DeLay, currently facing a lengthy prison sentence in Texas, declined comment. Tea Party Caucus members could not be reached, as most are under heavy sedation and/or physical restraint, or are currently undergoing electro-shock therapy.
Services will not be held for Mr. Rule, as his remains have already been cremated and secretly buried in an undisclosed location. In lieu of flowers, mourners are requested to make donations to the Michele Bachmann Legal Defense Fund, to be formed shortly.