Remember that time you were so depressed you didn't bathe for days? Remember that depression that was so deep that keeping your eyes open long enough to make it to the toilet was an impressive feat, but once there you fell back into your coma state until you were found by someone that magic moment just before your legs fell asleep and became useless? Do you remember that time being asked what was wrong brought screaming, streaming tears? Oh yes, and remember how that happened one week before the biggest event in the history of your young foundation was about to happen, and it's success or failure was the yardstick that the rest of your career in the industry would be measured by?
There are times when I feel that my nonprofit is the only thing that wakes me up each day. I have created expectations on a dozen Facebook pages that, if I do not meet them not only am I disappointed in myself (further engulfing me in the chains of my depression), but I know that I have disappointed those who rely on posts that help them through chronic illness issues of their own.
I could use apps like Buffer and set up posts to guarantee that each morning those inspirational quotes appear. I could include "news of the day" which would, should I choose to buffer posts really be news of yesterday. Most people would not know the difference, but I would know. I would be lowering the bar for myself, becoming exactly what I promised myself I would never be: unauthentic.
So, come rain or shine, come tears or quaking anxiety, like the promise of the Post Office; I deliver my posts. I answer questions. I provide support on the depression page to people who have no idea that I am feeling just as black and ugly inside as they do. Hell, sometimes I even tell them how badly I feel so that the quality of empathy we all value comes through.
But what happens when I get hit with the hard and fast deadline of an event. An event that is on a day, at a time, with guests... important guests, and a venue that has been reserved? What happens when my young foundation reaches the date of it's inaugural fundraising event and it's fearful leader can't get out of bed?
Here is what happens: you pull your shit together and you make what you thought was the impossible: possible. Because, if you don't, you have lost the confidence of every potential donor and member that was looking to this event as your dissertation. And what would happen if I was not ready for my dissertation, or far worse if I cancelled it?
I would never earn, or I would lose my "Founder and Executive Director" title under my name in my signature file, on my business cards, and worst of all: in my dream job.
We are no longer talking about health news posts, weekly video chat support groups, podcasts. We are talking about those things built up in ourselves that paint the way that we define ourselves. It's time to tell yourself that you are not THAT unique. You are not the first person to face swallowing the burning hot poker just out of the fire of hell that has to walk around like you feel as fresh and ready to go as a woman in feminine supply commercial. So, you do what surgeons and presidents, lawyers and judges, tribal chiefs and kindergarten teachers have been doing for all of time. You do what people have been doing for longer than the word "depression" has existed. You get out of bed, you put your big girl panties on, and you get your ass to work.
So, that's what I have been doing. I have been working non-stop, thinking ceaselessly, and yes probably inducing a mania.
The result? On October the 24th, The Chronically Awesome Foundation will hold it's inaugural art auction. Over 50 pieces of art have been donated,(everything from a 300 year old French Impressionist painting to a chronically ill patient's first attempt at the easel), tickets have been selling and cash donations are being made. I have been emailing everyone I know, tweeting the link to individuals and groups.
Is it going to be the best art auction ever held? No, probably not. Is it going to be the best art auction I have done to date? YOU BET. Am I going to have a really good time? You know it!
And next years will be better and so on.
So, what do you do when you are depressed and you have very important things to do? You get busy. You do them. And when you take a break, instead of stopping to rest, you write a blog about it. And at the end, you give the link The Chronically Awesome Foundation Art Auction
because, you never know.