GUS (Gave Up Smoking) is a community support diary for Kossacks in the midst of quitting smoking. Any supportive comments, suggestions or positive distractions are appreciated. If you are quitting or even just thinking of quitting, please join us! We kindly ask that politics be left outside.
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This time of year is tricky for a lot of people. The holidays (and the ensuing consumerist frenzy that accompanies them) tend to overwhelm more than a few of us. Suddenly, it's all about STUFF...giving stuff, getting stuff, doing stuff, dealing with stuff.
If you ask me (and to be fair, nobody did ask me) here's entirely too much STUFF going on.
Some of us get swept up in an orgy of gift-giving: shopping sales, wrapping until all hours, juggling finances to cover unexpected expenses and that deal (or three) we just couldn't pass up. We are in denial over our credit card statements. We laugh ruefully at our bank balances. We have, perhaps, lost sight of the true meaning of giving and receiving. (Shut up, Linus, we're not talking about Jesus right now.)
Others simmer with resentment over gifting obligations, real or imagined, measuring ourselves against some imaginary ideal or standard, and inevitably losing joy in the process. We are so worried about making others happy that we make ourselves miserable in the process, and then wonder why we're so stressed out. Somewhere, it stopped being about enjoying the holidays and turned into a big ol' checklist that we've failed to complete properly.
Fox News watchers are convinced there's some kind of "War on Christmas" and their reaction to this is---somewhat inexplicably---to spew all kinds of angry, misinformed bile about it to everyone in earshot, railing against imaginary political correctness and wrecking things for everyone who knows there's no war actually going on (at least, none involving the utterance of the word "Christmas"). I'm still waiting for Bill O'Reilly's heart to grow three sizes, like the Grinch, and stop being the turd in the Christmas punchbowl on this issue.
And some of us are simply dealing with too much this time of year to find peace or clarity. For people in the service sector, it's too busy this time of year to eat or think, never mind cope with almost anything else. For those who have lost loved ones recently (or even not so recently), the holidays can be an unwelcome reminder of that loss, throwing loneliness or regret into high relief. Those of us who struggle with seasonal depression (caused in part by the lack of sunlight) can at least see the irony in being asked to hit Peak Cheerfulness right about the time the days are shortest and the sunlight most scarce---truly, in terms of brain chemistry, we're just not feelin' it. For some of us, it's all we can do to scrape together any semblance of a celebration, and for a few, even that is too much.
So maybe now is the time to re-think the whole gift thing? Perhaps---instead of focusing so hard on traditional notions of gifting (both giving and receiving), we instead take a moment to recognize that we've left someone off our gift list: ourselves. And maybe it's time to fix that.
Give yourself the gift of kindness---to others, yes, but especially kindness to yourself. Cut yourself some slack. You have to be able to help yourself before you can help others, and it's hard to do that if you're spending all that time beating yourself up.
Give yourself the gift of freedom from obligation. Give freely and from the heart, or just skip it. If people resent you for it, they're the ones with the problem.
Give yourself the gift of better health: examine behaviors and habits that are impacting your life in negative ways, and figure out ways to let go of them. It's easier to give if you don't feel worn down or exhausted all the time.
Give yourself the gift of caring: if you're feeling lonely or unappreciated, know there are lots of others in the same boat, and that more people care about what happens to you than you may realize. Recognize that caring comes from all kinds of unexpected places, and that communities of all kinds (in-person or virtual) can be a great source of support and encouragement when you're feeling adrift or alone.
Give yourself a gift: no, really. Be selfish. Get a little something for yourself. Treats provide positive reinforcement and can be a mood-booster. Nobody got you that thing you put on your wish list? Fire up the Amazon.com and go for it! Wanted to do something but the invite never arrived? Take yourself---and invite a friend! And even if time, money, or resources are scarce, there's always time to take a moment to be mindful and appreciative about all you've done, how much you've gone through to get here, how much you've meant to those in your life (at home or online), and what a gift it is to draw breath and simply be here now.
Who's Your Little Buddy?
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