As you may know, a federal judge issued an opinion yesterday declaring that Utah's gay marriage ban violated the U.S. Constitution. As a result, Mormons the world over are shitting their pants and the supply of magic underwear has been depleted. You can help alleviate the pain, shame, and stink of this disaster by calling Jockey, Hanes, Fruit-of-the-Loom, Calvin Klein, Joe Boxer, Victoria's Secret and other unmentionable manufacturers and demand they switch over their production to magic underwear until Mormon goodies & junk are once again safe behind a shield of divinely ordained cotton.