The Church of ineffible Stupidity is proud to announce a new contest. The person who can come up with the most insulting, derogatory, racist, sexist, demeaning, homophobic, or obnoxious post in 140 characters or less wins a free trip to East Pekin, Illinois. Being the daughter of a billionaire who earned his vast wealth during apartheid, graduating from Tulane U, or being fired from a highly compensated PR job with a multimedia conglomerate earns you extra credit.
And now, the ever popular Silly Science Sunday Quiz:
1. Toads belong to which group?
a. Amphibians
b. Tea Baggers
c. Hermaphrodites
d. Mammals
e. Witches
2. Gravity is the force which. . .
a. Leads to mutual attraction
b. God created to mystify and confuse astrophysicists
c. creates deserts
d. leads to universal halitosis, eczema, and psoriasis
e. Powers Wall Street to another record year of theft
3. Who discovered the proton?
a. Rutherford
b. E.Goldstyine
c. CV Raman
d. Aaron Glacier
e. Sarah Palin
4. Rhino horns are made of what?
a.Keratin
b. Milanin
c. Trypsin
d. African babies' HIV infected blood
5. HIV Aids now exists in what part of the world?
a. the black populations of Africa
b. Justine Sacco's twitter account
c. All over the world
d. It is a liberal conspiracy to attack rich people's income
6. What is not found in that mindless eating machine known as a Shark?
a. Teeth
b. Bone
c. Sarah Palin (professional courtesy applies)
d. Protons
7. The Periodic table is . . .
a. Ikea based furniture for small apartments
b. A make believe list of God's seven day creation
c. The list and description of every element known to humans
d. A woman's menstruation calendar
8. QuickSilver is the name of what poisonous element?
a. Cyanide
b. Arsenic
c. Darwin's "On the Origin of Species" and other foul, satanic anti-religious texts
d. Mercury
e. JP Morgan-Chase's latest plan to rob America blind
9. Dinosaurs became extinct because of:
a. A giant meteor
b. God's will
c. Too much Quicksilver in their diet
d. They aren't extinct. They hide in African caves, watching AIDS take over the continent
e. Liberalism
10. What is a diffuse mass of interstellar dust and gas?
a. A Sarah Palin Word Salad
b. Nebula
c. A clear sign that a diplomat's Indian maid is on strike
d. An indication of Fracking gone bad
e. The density of your standard Tea Bagger's brain
11. A liquid with a pH of 8.75 is what?
a. Acid
b. Base
c. alcoholic
d. Urine
e. Tar oil