As a teacher I’ve had the pleasure of knowing children from many different home environments. I know children who live in two parent households and single parent households. I know children growing up with heterosexual parents and I know children growing up with homosexual parents. "There are a lot of children with at least one gay or lesbian parent," says Ellen C. Perrin, MD, professor of pediatrics at Tufts University School of Medicine in Boston. She shared her findings at the American Academy of Pediatrics Conference and Exhibition.
Between 1 million and 6 million children in the U.S. are being reared by committed lesbian or gay couples, she says. Children being raised by same-sex parents were either born to a heterosexual couple, adopted, or conceived through artificial insemination.
Children growing up in same-sex parental households do not have differences in self-esteem, gender identity, or emotional problems from children growing up in heterosexual parent homes.
It has been my experience as a teacher that same-sex parents offer their children stable, loving and supportive homes. I’ve found that they are involved in their children’s school activities and are the parents I can count on to volunteer. I can count on their children’s homework to be completed and to make consistent gains throughout the school year.
I’ve observed many parenting styles. Typically, parents fall into the following categories; helicopter, drill sergeant, laissez-fairee and consultant parents. The helicopter parent “hovers” and is overly fearful his/her child will experience failure. They are always close at hand and are the ones who will do their child’s homework for them. Studies show that children who grow up with helicopter parents often suffer from low self esteem and have a “I can’t do it myself outlook on life.” The drill sergeant parent barks out orders and threatens consequences but rarely follows through. Their children learn quickly to avoid interactions with authorities and they don’t put very much effort toward chores, homework and don’t take on responsibilities. The laissez-fairee parent has few rules. They are not involved and the child learns they are on their own. The last parenting style is the consultant. This parent is involved but, allows the child to develop his/her own identity. The consultant is there to offer support and exhibits confidence in the child to; with help, make the right decisions. These parents have sensible rules with consequences and make sure their children follow through with their responsibilities.
It has been my experience that same-sex parents fall into the consultant parenting style more often than heterosexual parents.
Many same-sex couples wait a very long time to bring children into their lives. They are mature and prepared to be parents. They take the time to learn about being a parent. They often feel they are under scrutiny and take great pains to get it right.
Researchers looked at information gleaned from 15 studies on more than 500 children, evaluating possible stigma, teasing and social isolation, adjustment and self-esteem, opposite gender role models, sexual orientation, and strengths.
Studies from 1981 to 1994, including 260 children reared by either heterosexual mothers or same-sex mothers after divorce, found no differences in intelligence, type or prevalence of psychiatric disorders, self-esteem, well-being, peer relationships, couple relationships, or parental stress.
"Some studies showed that single heterosexual parents' children have more difficulties than children who have parents of the same sex," Perrin says. "They did better in discipline, self-esteem, and had less psychosocial difficulties at home
The children of same-sex couples are happy, well-adjusted and confident. Children of same-sex parents do as well as children whose parents are heterosexual in every way.