From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
Haiku. Gesundheit.
Go Minnesota!
Marriage equality WIN
Why's Marcus smiling?
Such noisy insects
Cicadas? No. Issa's crowd.
You saw that comin'.
Carbon dioxide
400 parts per million
Depressing haiku
The car lift goes up.
The car lift goes down. Repeat.
Romney's bored again.
Congressman Markey
Magic of democracy…
Senator Markey!!!
Ahhh…it feels like spring
Leopard thong fits perfectly
Down go neighbors' blinds
I imagine i just broke a boatload of haiku rules. Don't get up---I'll find the penalty box myself. Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, May 15, 2013
Note: Would the person who borrowed the key to the bathroom please return it? It's the one attached to the rabbit's foot keychain. Which is attached to the anvil. Which is attached to the tuba. Just pop it back in the receptionist's desk drawer. Thanks!
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til Star Trek: Into Darkness opens in the U.S.: 2
Days 'til the annual Dance Parade and Festival in New York City: 3
Decline in state and local government jobs since 2008: 1 million
Number of state and local government jobs lost in April: 3,000
(Source: USA Today)
Minimum number of alligator-hunting permits ($262 for residents, $1022 for non-residents) that will be issued in Florida for the season that starts Aug. 15: 5,000
Approximate number of militias operating inside Syria: 1,000
(Source: Time)
Percent chance that John McCain claims to know exactly which ones we should give weapons to, even though he won’t say which ones they are: 100%
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Mid-week Rapture Index: 186 (including 4 apostasies and 1 impressive pootie intrusion). Soul Protection Factor 24 lotion is recommended if you’ll be walking amongst the heathen today.
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Once New York approved gay marriage in 2011, what happened next was inevitable. They warned us. And it's happening.
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CHEERS to changing horses in mid-stream. I hope this is the start of a trend, because there's just no question anymore that the Republican party may talk about openness and big-tentiness, but in practice they're still the same old gaggle of ever-angrier white people upset over having to share our republic with "those people." So kudos to Florida GOP Hispanic Outreach Director Pablo Pantoja for jumping ship and joining Team Democrat:
"And STAY out, you tyrant!"
"It doesn't take much to see the culture of intolerance surrounding the Republican Party today. I have wondered before about the seemingly harsh undertones about immigrants and others. Look no further; a well-known organization recently confirms the intolerance of that which seems different or strange to them."
He's referring to
the jerk (since fired) at the exalted Heritage Foundation who co-authored a shitty study about immigration, but not before writing a Harvard thesis on Hispanics and their hopelessly low IQs. But that's just the tip of the racismberg, and Mr. Pantoja's tolerance of intolerance has come to an end. So welcome to the Democratic party. Always room at the table for one more---and unlike the other guys, when we say that we mean it.
JEERS to the "gates" of hell. I'm assuming, courtesy of what's dominating the traditional media this week, that I'm supposed to be having a panic attack. I'll put it in a box so it won't contaminate the rest of the site:
I am FREAKING OUT over APgate!!!
I am FREAKING OUT over IRSgate!!!
I am FREAKING OUT over Benghazigate!!!
I'm also FREAKING OUT over TooMuchSaltgate!!!
And I'm FREAKING OUT over JustinBieberIsLosingHisShitgate!!!
Oh, also, if we have time for one more: I am FREAKING OUT over FREAKINGOUTgate!!!
I hope I did that right---it's been awhile. But I may need to excuse myself to go to the nurse's station. I think I sprained my uvula. Please don’t start any pie fights without me.
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Gong! Gong!! BuddaBuddaBudda… GONG!!!
This is another edition of The One Word Answer Man. Opinion columnist Dean Obeidallah, writing at CNN, asks: Is Rush Limbaugh still relevant? And special guest Answer Man President Barack Obama is here to provide today's one-word answer:
"Yup."
Now back to Cheers and Jeers.
Gong! Gong!! BuddaBuddaBudda… GONG!!!
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CHEERS to applying the finishing touch. Minnesota Governor Mark Dayton made it official yesterday afternoon: with his signature on the gay-marriage bill passed last week by the state House and yesterday by the state Senate, couples can tie the knot starting August 1. WHO'DA THUNK IT!!??? And check out how the city lit up the I-35W bridge over the Mississippi River...
As we wait for Illinois to follow suit (and also the pair of Supreme Court rulings on Prop. 8 and DOMA), feast on this: a new poll shows that a majority (55%) of freakin'
Arizonans now support marriage for same-sex couples. When he heard the news, John McCain immediately called for a border fence between Arizona and…that's about the time he fell asleep.
CHEERS to special deliveries. On May 15, 1918, the first airmail route got started in the U.S. It ran between Washington, Philadelphia and New York. They had to retool the operation when it became apparent that dangling a mailman from a rope was a really bad idea. Especially in Briarpatch County.
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Five years ago in C&J: May 15, 2008
CHEERS to the destruction of Feith. Jon Stewart had former Undersecretary of Defense and disgraced neocon Douglas Feith on
The Daily Show Monday night to talk about the run-up to the Iraq war. Given how the administration screwed up everything (which we on the left predicted with almost pinpoint accuracy), his
revisionist history is insulting:
Stewart: If you knew the perils [of going to war], but the conversation you had with the public painted a rosier picture, how is that not deception? ...
Feith: When people read this book, I think people will be surprised to be reminded of what was actually said. I think a lot of people's perceptions of what were said are filtered through the recent history. And the recent history has been very unhappy in a lot of ways. We've had very serious losses in Iraq---more than anybody anticipated. And people look back and they misremember a lot.
Hear that, kids? Our memories are just a bit foggy, is all. Yeah, it's all coming back to me now. Aluminum tubes! Smoking guns! Mushroom clouds! Sweets! Flowers! Parades! Greeted as liberators! George W. Bush Boulevard! (Psst, Doug...pass me a few more o' them 'shrooms. This is a
wild ride, man.)
[5/15/13 Update: After calling everyone in his Georgetown/Harvard alumni Rolodex, someone at the conservative Hudson Propaganda Institute took pity on Feith, who now parks his butt in a chair next to the basement furnace and doodles his life away. He remains the stupidest guy on the face of the earth.]
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And just one more…
JEERS to the chosen one (if by "chosen" you mean a little bit off the beaten path). A candidate in Florida says she was told three times by no less than Jesus Christ that she was the savior's personal favorite. In the North Miami mayoral race. In Florida. Really...
In an odd twist, her main competitor appears to have locked up God's endorsement. So I guess that explains why there have been so many late-day thunderstorms in Florida lately---tension around a certain dinner table.
Have a Wednesday that slices your week cleanly down the middle with no flaky residue. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
Bill in Portland Maine appears to be extremely authentically “ultra-distressed.” You can’t put a price tag on this level of fake realness.
---Copyranter
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