From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
Alphabet Soup: NSA Edition
A says my hair should be on fire.
B says relax, it's troubling but nothing we can't fix.
C says B is full of shit and my hair should totally be on fire.
D says I'm not getting the complete picture.
E says yes I am and for D to stop misleading me with half-baked nonsense.
F says E can go fuck himself, that D didn't read the full post, and A is on to something big.
G says anyone who agrees with B, E and F now, but agreed with A and C during the Bush years is guilty of sheer, unfettered and totally hilarious hypocrisy.
H says G is right and this is what gives our side a bad name….but criticizing B is unfair and if you'd read her blog post from March 12, 2006 you'd know that!!!
I says calm down. Let's sort this out rationally.
J says we tried calm and rational already and it didn't work and now please drop your pants so you can pull your head out of your ass.
K and L say on Sunday morning TV shows that this is nothing new, we've all known about this for years and it's all under the supervisory control of Congress.
M and N say on Sunday morning TV shows that you can't supervise what you don’t know about, and would someone please get a socket wrench and remove this NSA information-sucking attachment from the back of our heads.
O tweets that NBC should preempt Meet the Press with tennis every Sunday and within five minutes gets re-tweeted 100,000 times.
P says go back and read B, E and G again because you missed this and this and this which proves you're a moron.
Q says no, don’t read B, E and G because A just released a NEW BOMBSHELL that will set your skull on fire where your hair used to be before it got burned off by A's first bombshell.
R says okay, yeah, A's new bombshell is pretty shocking.
S says the number of false assumptions and out-of-context quoting makes A's new bombshell an unreadable mess.
T unfriends R because anyone who feels compelled to post Q's propaganda on Facebook every freaking five minutes like R does is a psychopath.
U and V stumble into the debate late and have no clue what's going on.
W explains to U and V what's going on, causing U to fall asleep and V's hair to catch on fire.
X accuses Y of cherry picking.
Y accuses X of nitpicking, nose picking, and ass picking.
Z says fuck it and turns on the Red Sox, who crushed the Angels again yesterday and will go on to win the World Series and that's not jinxing anything because you can't jinx destiny.
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Monday, June 10, 2013
Note: The Chinese president has left the country. You may now release your money from the death grip you've had on it since Friday.
-
By the Numbers:
Days 'til the New Jersey special election to fill Frank Lautenberg's senate seat: 128
Days 'til the La Kermesse Festival in Biddeford, Maine: 10
Cost to operate the Guantanamo Bay prison per year: $150 million
(Source: Time)
Increase in sales among retail stores that have been open at least a year from May, 2012 to May, 2013: 3.2%
(Source: Int'l Council of Shopping Centers)
Increase in the net worth of households and non-profit groups from January through March: $3 Trillion
Total worth of households and non-profits in America: $70.3 Trillion
(Source: Federal Reserve)
Percent chance that John McCain (b. 1936) is older than Spam (b. 1937): 100%
-
NEW! California Dreamin'
Brought to you by the 2013 Netroots Nation Convention in San Jose, June 20-23. If you're a first-time visitor to the "City by the City by the Bay," here's a handy guide from TripAdvisor. Among their recommendations: the San Jose Heritage Rose Garden. A pair of their offerings:
Ring of Fire
Sun Sprinkles
And this just in: the big Saturday night party is happening at
the ballpark!!! Just my opinion, but a rose smells like a turd compared to freshly-cut infield grass. Amiright, people? Amiright???
-
Puppy Pic of the Day: From the LBJ archives: Sired by Him…
-
CHEERS to the next full-time United States Senator from the Great State of New Jersey!!! Ladies and gentlemen, join me in giving him a warm Helloooooo...
Newark Mayor Cory Booker made it official
on Saturday. But I must admit, I thought that making his announcement while simultaneously saving a kitten from a tree, a dog from a hot car, an old lady from a house fire, and Chris Christie from a pork chop was a bit much.
JEERS to the sore loser that keeps on sore losering. Yeah. Mitt Romney. He's whining in public again. Now the routed Republican Mr. Roboto claims that a "leading Democrat" told him a week before the election that his win was a lock. When asked why he didn't rely instead on "leading Republicans," Mitt said every time he tried to find one his GPS kept sending him to a unicorn farm.
The beltway's new beltway?
CHEERS to that shining city on a hill surrounded by gaseous swampland. 220 years ago today, in 1793, Congress---back when it was functional---voted to make Washington, D.C. the official replacement for Philadelphia as the nation's capital. Today the beltway politicians, lobbyists and pundits have so sullied the name of our circle-with-a-star-in-it-on-maps,
and besmirched the memory of the person for whom it's named (Ronald Reagan Washington, the Texas school board tells me), that we really should think about moving it again. I have a few candidates: Goober Hill, LA…Devil's Den, CA…Cuckoo, VA…Crooks, SD…Rattlesnake Bend, FL…Mayday, GA…Oil Springs, KY…Petroleum, MT…Crappo, MD…Hell, MI…Money, MS…Loco, OK…and Idiotville, OR. Completely out of the question, however: moving it to any town named Normal.
CHEERS to the resiliency of Nelson Mandela. The beloved former South African president is in the hospital with what doctors say is an acute case of being 94. He's expected to be fully recovered from it on July 18, when he turns 95. Hang in there, kid.
And he even has a contract
with Bacardi. {Swoon!}
CHEERS to an important SWOON ALERT! Spaniard Rafael Nadal
{Swoon!} won his eighth French Open tennis tournament yesterday
{Swoon!}, the broadcast of which pre-empted Meet the Press
{Double Swoon!}. And proving that there's no buzz they won’t harsh, a couple of those idiot radical French anti-gay terrorist-wannabes unhappy with France's new marriage law just
had to
jump onto the court and run around waving burning torches (or whatever the hell they were) that could've set the place on fire. But they got tackled and humiliated and frog-marched (pun not intentional, but heh heh anyway) out of the place and they should be charged with a list of offenses as long as my tennis racquet if I owned one. Which brings me back to Rafael Nadal.
{Swoon!}
CHEERS to the business of which there's no business like I know (or something). Big day for Portland, Maine, after actress
Andrea Martin won a Tony last night for the revival of
Pippin. Other winners of the night included 79 year-old Cicely Tyson for
The Trip to Bountiful, Cyndi Lauper for her score from
Kinky Boots (which also won best musical), and best play winner
Vanya and Sonia and Masha and Spike. (In an odd twist, no one named Tony won a Tony.) But perhaps the biggest winners of the night were the right-wing family/decency/moral values organizations, who will fundraise their little hearts out after seeing host Neil Patrick Harris
French kiss the dog from Annie on national TV. Their first words last night after having such a perfect bit of bestial debauchery fall into their laps: "Thank you, Jesus!"
-
Five years ago in C&J: June 10, 2008
JEERS to another pointless slog. Word yesterday that 500 troops from Maine may be headed back to Iraq for yet another tour of duty in that still-dangerous and wholly unpredictable country. On the bright side, we hear the dust storms are lovely this time of year.
CHEERS to the great escape. Ted Kennedy, healing nicely from brain surgery, skateboarded home to Hyannisport from a North Carolina hospital yesterday. He'll recuperate there for awhile and then he plans to head back to the Senate to resume blowing spitballs at the back of Mitch McConnell's head. (I probably shouldn't have printed that. McConnell thinks it's Byrd.)
-
And just one more…
JEERS to rude surprises. In Vermont, a man's house exploded when he came home from vacation and clicked the button on his garage door opener remote. Alfred Leikert says the whole house went up right in front of his face, and the damage is estimated at $400,000. On the bright side, Mr. Leikert had a swell vacation.
Saddle up---new week ahead. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
-
Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
Republican Candidate For Virginia Lt. Governor Denounces Yoga And Bill in Portland Maine As Tool Of Satan
---Jonathan Turley
-