In case you haven't noticed, the mouth breathers and bible thumpers out there usually ignore much of what Obama has actually done, and focus their criticism instead on things that he said in his campaign speeches or things that have sprung, whole and redolent, from the rich brew of sewage treatment effluvia that passes for their imaginations.
Even though there are a lot of legitimate reasons to be disappointed with and/or pissed off at Obama, which I often am, it's really kind of disorienting to see these long incoherent rants about things he hasn't even done and how it proves the liberals have taken over the country.
(Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?)
And they are almost invariably accompanied by some reference to something called the "Liberal Agenda".
So I just want to state clearly and unequivocally for the record that yes, I am a progressive liberal socialist radical leftie and I am actively working, with liberal agenda aforethought, to take over the country.
To Whom It May Concern,
Hi, my name is Doug and I am a progressive liberal socialist radical leftie actively working to take over the country.
If I have my way the military will shrink drastically, your wages will go up, the price of gasoline will go up because of a hefty carbon tax but you can have regular checkups and if you get sick or a toothache you can just go to your doctor or dentist or clinic or hospital without even having to think about how any of it gets paid for.
Murder, assault, theft and public drunkenness will still be illegal but marijuana and marriage will not.
Americans will still be free to join, belong to or worship at whatever Mosque, Synagogue, Church or Cult they choose, but will not have the power to tell anyone else what they can or cannot do based on the teachings of said Mosque, Synagogue, Church or Cult.
Public schools will be strictly secular. If you want your kid to learn about God, Yahweh, Allah or The Great Flying Spaghetti Monster you pay for it. (And don't be surprised if they have a hard time qualifying for a real college.)
If I have my way every person in America will be born with exactly the same opportunities as every other and the NFL will be taxed on their profits. It will cost more to operate internal combustion engines powered by fossil fuels but the roads will be a lot nicer, cleaner and safer.
That's my Liberal Agenda. Well, enough to get started with anyway.
Oh, and stay the fuck away from my daughters womb! Don't look at it, don't talk about it, in fact, don't even fucking think about it.
If she wants your opinion she will ask you for it.
Sincerely,
Doug
11:47 PM PT: 05/24/2014 11:39pm pdt - This diary was based on an actual exchange between myself and someone calling himself Jrock4245 earlier today on HBO.com / Bill Maher / The Voice of Reason.
http://talk.hbo.com/...
Also I would like to include the following disclaimer:
I do not now have nor have I ever had a sister. I did have a mother but she died in 2000 so I decided to use this rhetorical device to avoid talking about my dead mother's womb which I have now done anyway and it's creeping me out. Sorry.