Unfortunately I have been dealing with institutional sexism a lot lately.
If you are a woman and you have to go to the doctor for anything, it seems that if such unfortunate issues are going to play out, this is a likely place to re-enter the era of Leave It To Beaver surreality of paternalistic bullshit.
I mean even the women are in on it. (YUCK)! and WTF?
But lately I have seen Shining Beams of Hope as male allies speak up and do so with great passion and great compassion. It takes a bit of the sting out of it some days. But then again, if one more medical person who calls me a, "A Woman of a Certain Age" I think I might go batshit crazy.
I am going to reiterate this again. The Medical Profession likes to treat women like Baby Making Machines. The only reason they leave our sex organs intact, is if we have a desire to make babies. But once you hit 35 or older, You have entered the twilight zone, of "A Woman of A Certain Age."
Then you become, by default, a broken baby making machine. Throughout this journey of reductionist bullshit in which you are known by the statistical value of your age+ uterus and ovary function, you cease being a whole, human being and become something else entirely.
I can see the webs of energy that connect this with Rape Culture. I am still working it out, finding the elusive words to describe my frustration, disgust, and sadness going through it all.
As I age, I lose my value as a breeder. But what that means in reality is that I lose my value PERIOD. I become expendable like a broken throw away uterus.
Because I have no value as a broken-or-aged baby making machine, there is no reason to preserve the organs that contribute to a healthy sex life, or my youthful resiliency, or to even pretend that they matter.
I know this post will seem discombobulated, but I want to throw this out there: How the Fuck does someone become a specialist in any form Gynecology, but at the same time lack the psychological stamina to discuss how the ovaries and the uterus and cervix contribute to female sexual health?
I mean that's like being a urologist and being too embarrassed to discuss erectile dysfunction. That's like being a urologist and being unable to discuss how the prostate can affect male erection quality or how blood pressure can effect male sexual performance!
Would you pay money to see such a specialist gentlemen? Can you imagine?
I am here to examine your penis and testicles, so long as you don't bring up sexual function, orgasms or erections.
Of course we are so worshipful of the penis we make cute commercials and go out of our way to not make him Hem and Haw his way through an embarrassing or graphic description of his woes. Just you and the missus jump in two bathtubs and sunset and we will all know what you mean. Hey maybe the government will buy you a penis pump!
UH? Once again, WTF?
I went to a doctor whose specialty was in Gynecology and he could not look at me. He spent the entire visit explaining everything to my husband. He was too embarrassed to look at me, and when I brought up female sexual function, he would cut me off and change the subject.
Where the hell do these people come from and where the hell do they get off, thinking that this is acceptable behavior towards women, especially in that specialty?
Sadly visits to female doctors have rendered very little in the way of improvement on this particular matter.
Apparently female sexuality is so dirty, that even doctors have to put on a Haz-Mat suit, followed by two bags over their head and take on a pseudonym before they can comfortably discuss the topic of female sexual pleasure and female sexual function. I mean jeez, it's not like we are discussing beastiality or necrophilia.
Would it be too much to ask, that medical professional have to discuss the sexual issues that can arise from the removal of the uterus and ovaries as far as female sexual function goes? Is it too much to ask that other side effects on one's personal life be discussed also? I mean shit we act like even saying the word menopause in public is like a major breakthrough--(which should be silly) and yet we have ED commercials at dinner time on regular television, but not this?
No wonder people have to get all their information on sexual function from pornography! No wonder our society is so messed up. If our discomfort of female sexuality runs so deep that even doctors cannot/will not discuss it then this society has serious fucking problems and quite honestly so does Feminism. Because this should have been fixed with the fight for legal abortions and safe and affordable birth control.
Women's Reproductive Healthcare is in trouble. It's steeped in a culture of misogyny and you don't even know it, that is til you contend with it directly.
You find out when you go for a rape kit.
You find out when you attempt to get Birth Control.
You find out when you go for your first or subsequent pregnancies.
You find out when you go for followup appointments.
You find out when they cannot or will not help you with breast feeding issues.
You find out when they consistently misdiagnose you because they just don't give a shit.
You find out when the doctors and nurses dismiss your concerns, fail to adequately answer your questions and generally make you feel like YOU did something wrong for asking in the first place.
You find out, when in your frustration, you either read books that open your eyes, or feel compelled to write one because the situation is so SNAFUed when you discover everything that makes you female is a medical black box of patriarchal ignorance and fear.
How can we even begin to address topics like rape, if we cannot even discuss a healthy female sex life and sexual function. AH--here it is, that line of energy from this topic to Rape Culture. The line of energy called Shaming (maybe even Slut Shaming) because no woman enjoys sex but a slut, and only sluts discuss sex or pleasure. Only Sluts would know (snark).
And that's when it hit me.
A Rape Culture is a Polite Culture.
FYI--I read this story on the Huffpo today and it really struck a chord in me. It's about the importance of language for women/feminists. Words Are Our Weapons by R. Solnit It was an excellent read, I highly recommend this to interested parties.
3:16 PM PT: On a related note: