There are only two reasons to build a time machine:
1) Ride a dinosaur
2) Go to Jesus' crucifixion & say "Now that's what I call Cross-fit"
I love when the Moon is still visible in the morning. It's a giant beautiful fuck you to the Sun...
... "Fuck you Sun, you unnecessarily bright fat flaming piece of attentionwhoring celestial shit shakes fist at the sky DO U HEAR ME"
builds time machine
travels back to my birth
whispers in my newborn ear
You deserve everything you're going to get
Always thank God for your survival during terrible circumstances with the knowledge that God just said "Fuck all these other people" in your favor.
The year is 2032: All corporations have merged and every night before bed you say a prayer to your cable company.
"Actually, the cops are the real victims in this story." -Cops
Whenever I'm sad, I just think about the fact that there's a person on this planet named North West.