Of course.
Was there a contest announced over the weekend to see who could say the single stupidest thing in the coming week? Are we going to have to live through more of this, or can we just stipulate that somebody wins so everyone else can
shut up again?
National Review Online contributing editor Jim Geraghty suggested that President Obama "set the tone" for high profile leadership scandals including disgraced NFL commissioner Roger Goodell and embattled General Motors CEO Mary Barra who he claimed were influenced by Obama's alleged lack of "accountability."
I'm not even going to quote from the actual post in which Jim "I Am Currently Eating My Own Shoelaces" Geraghty actually argued this, because the summary encapsulates the whole argument. Yes, the NFL is a horrible organization full of horrible people because
Obama. Yes, a major American company got caught being unethical bastards who would rather kill their own customers then spend a few dollars not doing that—clearly, this is because the blah-de-freaking-blah fake IRS scandal blah. Of course.
Before Barack Obama took office and started doing things, the NFL was a paragon of goodness and light and American corporate entities were so benevolent that their factories would regularly fart asthma-curing rainbows over the nation's golden plains. Of. Freaking. Course. You know when Enron started intentionally causing power blackouts on the American west coast in order to lock in artificially inflated energy prices? That was because Benghazi, why the f--k not, and let's all strap ourselves in our chairs while the National Damn Review tells us of the before-times when we had presidents of integrity, leaders who would ship weapons wherever the hell they wanted no matter what Congress had to say about it, fine gentlemen who understood the value of third-rate burglaries and when and why you might crush a child's testicles in order to get their father to sign a paper admitting whatever the man with the bloody pliers wanted him to admit. Preach on, you guardian of all-American values, you. Preach on.
I keep saying this, and I keep being dead serious about it: At some point, there has to be a lower bound to the cancerous stupidity that has metastasized throughout certain regions of the body politic. I am not saying "there has to be" in that there ought to be some hard-scientific devolutionary bound to that dimwittedness, because God help us we know that there is not, but "there has to be" in the sense that there must be some notion which is so very dumb that, at long last, even if you are willing to write it down there is no person left in America who is still eager to actually pay you for the privilege of reading it. So you write down something exceptionally stupid—something just staggeringly dumb, let's say something about how an American corporation acting crooked would never have happened if it weren't for Barack Obama becoming president—and at that point your loyal readership, folks who were with you all during the black folks should have their own water fountains bit and through at least a couple of the I think this next goddamn war will work out swimmingly iterations finally raise their hands and say, "Yeah, that's it. I'm out." And then they get up out of their chairs and go do something more productive, like drown themselves in a pond.
All right, so we've got Rick Perry's pronouncement that Joan Rivers might be alive today if more states had Texas-style anti-abortion laws and this too-earnest joker declaring that the moral character of our fine American mega-institutions has been destroyed by Barack Obama, most devious and tricksy president ever. If there's going to be any more contenders for the Being Aggressively Dimwitted In Public This Week contest, please write those thoughts down now, contestants, then put them in a bottle, then carefully shove that bottle as far up your right nostril as you can possibly get it to go. Don't worry, we'll wait. There's a trophy in it for you and everything, I promise.
