I am Biracial. My paternal side is Black and Cherokee Indian. My maternal side is Caucasian from German and English decent. Raised by the maternal side of my family, and rather estranged some from the paternal side, I was privy to many conversations where white people talked about black people, when there were no black people around to hear them have the conversations. These were not nice exchanges in tone, subject matter, or presentation.
I venture to say, if any of those white people who said some of the dastardly negative things they did about black people and culture as a whole, were asked about the kinds of things that were said, they would either deny saying them, say they didn't mean the comments "that way", and some would say: Yeah, so what! I said it". It is possible one could find all three responses from inside the same family or between family members and others outside of the family.
Now, do not misunderstand. I was also privy to conversations black people had about white people when white people were not around too. However, those conversations were quite different in tone, subject matter, and delivery.
The black people didn't talk about how all white people should be hanged, they didn't call mixed children mongrels, woolly bears, n-babies, or monkeys. Their conversation was more like mini comic reviews when it came to white people. Black people used laughter as a self defense mechanism, to deal with or hide the pain of, being referred to and regarded as, sub human. Black people conversation was more geared towards how to defend yourself against racist white people be it on the street, on the job, at school, or if you should encounter hostile police. The black people conversation was not about hatred, but rather, how to survive it and maintain dignity in the process.
Needless to say, these things take time to sort through when they occur during a child's most formative years. After moving beyond the awe of witnessing a son and daughter tell their mother she was a n-lover who would go to hell with all the other n's s and n-lovers, I began paying very close attention to things some white people say, to or about, black people and culture. Not only in the blatantly overt forms while in the absence of black people, but also the more subtle comments often masked as compliments. The type comments made directly, to or about, black people and culture, then discussed amid other white people in social and professional settings, and usually with just one or two black people present.
Below the fold are some examples of subtle comments some white people make about black people which, whether some white people know it or not, black people find most times offensive. As well as, a few explanations of why the comments are perceived as offensive.
What you are about to read is real talk. It is not meant to offend nor disrespect white people. Instead rather, the purpose is to open a door to discuss a topic that fuels the cultural divides between black and white people and their perspective cultures. It is an effort to describe scenarios and comments black people experience from some white people in social, professional, or private settings which are offensive to black people.
Scenario 1
When there is a group of white people including one or two black people having a conversation, and a white person says something negative about black people and culture (example: black people are coarse, loud, most do not do anything with their lives, smell different, play too much loud rap music etc.), often times, the speaker looks directly at the one or two black people who are present, and says something to the effect of: "Oh, not you or you guys, you're different. It's not the same with you". This is not a compliment. It is more like secret code for you (black person) are white enough to be excused from being black.
Those type comments do not flatter the receiver but rather gives the receiver a tremendous amount of insight into the way the speaker views the world and the narrow ways their decisions are informed. It is offensive because it implies there is something wrong with the black community and culture at large and only a few black people have been spared from being "too or overly" black.
It also implies there are not the same kinds of issues within white communities and culture as there are in black communities and culture. There are the same issues in both cultures and communities, black people just do not have, the same or as many, resources to deal with or to hide, the issues both communities and cultures share in common. Lastly, it implies there must be some secret, unwritten, arbitrary, and subjective list (derived from some white people) of the certain criteria black people must meet to receive their stamp of approval as an okay, not too much of a black, person.
Scenario 2
When a white person says to a black person, with a veiled shock, yet in an overly enthusiastic manner, something to the tune of: You (black person) are so articulate, or I cannot believe how well you (a black person) speak. This is not a compliment. Do white people go around saying this to other white people in shock and amazement? Is it unimaginable that black people go to school, maybe do listen to some rap music, and do their English homework too?
This sort of comment may be said to the black person in private or really loud around other white people. Either way, the comment tends to be drenched in condescending tone as the speaker awaits for the response of the black person to have an appreciative smile and hearty thank you. But, a smile and thank you for what? Thank you white person for telling me, who is black, that I can speak English better than what you expected. Thank you white person for having such a low expectation of black people, and for letting me (black person) know I surpassed your expectation by speaking as well and maybe more accurately than than you (white person). Why do I (black person) thank you (white person) for being surprised and elated I can speak English equal to or more eloquently than you do (white person). Do you (white person), say these things like this to other white people, and are they congratulated for speaking English the same way for the same reasons?
White people who say things like this? Please grow to expect black people to know how to speak English like white people do. It is one of the ways black people are considered for professional employment and admission into college, just like white people and, sometimes, by a far stricter gauge than that of your white counter parts. It may be, white person who says things that echo that type sentiment, that your breadth of experience with black people may be limited to negative television depictions of black people and culture or news media which tends to do the same. Maybe, white person who says similar comments, it is that the oppression of black people near you is not transcendent enough for you to yet see. But please understand, be no more surprised to hear a black person speak English any more than when a white person speaks English.
Scenario 3
When some white people say something to the effect of: "I am not prejudiced, but I don't want my kid marrying a black person. You know it's too hard on the kids, they have it hard", the speaker fails to see this very rational is one of the reasons biracial kids "have it hard". This comment is offensive because it implies there are no black people who are "good" enough nor "respectable" enough to touch, share life with, or love a white person the way a white person is "good and respectable" enough to be capable of those things. Furthermore, this comment reveals a rational of protecting kids from prejudiced by practicing, justifying, and perpetuating the speaker's own personal latent prejudiced. It mirrors the rational: since there is hate in the world, no one should risk or take a chance of deterring the hate with love. The position is one that enables prejudiced in others, while allowing the person infected by prejudiced unawares, to deny or own his or her personal participation in and personal practice of prejudiced.
Why is this important to acknowledge and understand?
Until we can have more open and honest conversations of candor about why these types of statements made by some white people (and other statements that reassemble them), are perceived as offensive to black people, there will continue to be cultural divides and misunderstandings where there does not have to be. Avoiding discussions on topics such as this, perpetuates cycles of distrust, hate, and ignorance. It is not an easy conversation but may help ease tensions by confronting them, dispel stereotypes, and create awareness on a topic some white people want to believe is not an issue, let alone, understand why the issue is a point of contention.
Here is a link to the video that prompted the writing of this diary:
https://www.youtube.com/...