A few years ago, while battling through some hard times, including depression, divorce, financial struggles, and a failing business, I sat down and wrote this. It was an ideal version of the woman I was hoping to be someday, someone I could look forward to becoming, away from the broken version I was when I wrote this. Despite my business failing (which crushed me like a ton of bricks, yet the stress of running it was causing constant panic attacks), and still challenged to move forward with a new career (I hope someday to make it as a writer), I thought this was an interesting take on what an ideal version of what I thought The New Me should look like. I just came across this today, and have not changed any of it, though I am tempted to, but I figured, what the heck. And no, I don't have that BMW in my garage, yet, and not even sure that's what I want any longer.
I will note, however, most of this still rings true, although I did not include my wonderful son, who's already a grown up on his own. I have to say, when I was in my lowest points, my kids were my foundation that gave me strength during those times when I could barely get out of bed. A part of living with depression is the isolation one creates to keep people out, not because you don't care and love friends and family, but because you feel so inadequate as a human being.
I was somewhat amused by what I left for last, though. :)
The New Me.
Here is a list of what The New Me looks like.
The New Me takes good care of herself, whether it be eating good food, getting a pedicure, seeing the dentist, getting that creaking knee checked out, treating myself to a massage, and letting happiness in.
The New Me is a good businesswoman. She pays her bills on time, is on top of good marketing and promotions, addresses client issues, manages staff with a firm yet kind hand. She is a very successful entrepreneur, and makes lots of money.
The New Me runs a happy and efficient household, with a clean, clutter-free environment. She pays all bills on time, has a housekeeper who does the main cleaning, and relishes in a beautifully decorated, quiet, comfortable, nurturing home.
The New Me is a wonderful mother, who pays close attention to her daughters’ academics and extracurricular activities, and attends as many school functions as possible. She provides a loving and supportive environment for her children to feel safe and loved. She encourages her kids to have friends over, and enjoys entertaining their friends.
The New Me is disciplined about exercising regularly, and also does yoga and walks/runs.
The New Me attends church regularly, and also brings her children to church with her to expose them to faith. She also does volunteer work within the church. She does the home lessons the church provides to promote her spiritual health.
The New Me does not look back on the past with sadness, anger, bitterness, or fear. She has come to terms with her past, shed tears of grief, said words of gratitude at the entire experience of the life she once knew, and has turned her eyes on the present moment. She does not regret anything, for she knows and understands each pain and struggle was simply an event that led to her this present moment.
The New Me likes to try new things, confronts fear head on, and does not talk herself out of new experiences.
The New Me is a writer who gets in the Flow and reveals herself in profound ways. She expresses herself in spiritual ways, can be funny, inventive, insightful, political, savvy, and also completely full of shit. She does not judge what comes forth from her writing, and has learned how to pick the good things from her writing and expands on the areas that bring her the most pleasure. She understands that to be a good writer, you must take the good with the bad, and that everything she writes is simply her own expression, so she does not judge.
The New Me is a good friend to those around her. She is loving, kind, and a very good listener. She is surrounded by wonderful friends who are kind and loving back to her. She is supportive and understanding, and always someone a friend can rely on to be there when she is needed.
The New Me has beautiful furnishings in her home. She drives a BMW X6M with navigation, and has made enough room in the garage to PARK it in there. She has a beautiful wardrobe with lovely clothes she enjoys wearing.
The New Me has a 750 credit score (or higher) and is not in debt.
The New Me is full of confidence and self-love.
The New Me enjoys taking vacations and traveling.
The New Me enjoys a loving relationship with her soul mate, her life partner, the man she is meant to spend the rest of her life with.