It occurred to me as I continue to follow the Republican presidential vetting process, that perhaps the best way (or at least one way) to determine the best candidate is to decide which one would be the most tolerable boss. I think this goes a long way in sorting out who has that unexplainable combination of characteristics which make a good leader. So, here are my humble observations on each of the remaining contenders:
Donald Trump: Trump as a direct supervisor, interesting. I actually don’t think this would be that bad. I envision lots of thumbs ups and double barrel finger pointing in the hallway but not a lot of actual micromanaging happening. Impromptu group meetings with plenty of platitudes and positive reinforcement would likely be the norm. After which, everybody heads back to their cube to check their fantasy lineup and break for lunch early.
Ben Carson: Gross. I can only imagine a very awkward office setting, where Ben would occasionally walk through and make a very odd comment about a benign painting on the wall. I envision occasional chaperoned walks through the office while Ben pretends to be absorbing all of the rich subtleties which makes this office tick, after which the office dwellers exchange looks and roll their eyes. Internet usage would likely be very low as everyone would assume that somewhere Ben is filtering through every computers web history. All in all this would be really creepy. Getting home to HBO would seem extra cool though.
Marco Rubio: Might be a little pricky. Probably not the worst though. I imagine he’d play the “lets be chums” card pretty hard. Seems like the kind of boss who would arrange the occasional Friday happy hour after work get-together. He’d leave early, but at least he made the effort I guess. If you are a fan of the after work social stuff (with the pleasure of seeing him with a loosened tie), maybe he’s your guy?
Ted Cruz: Oh how we all love to be preached at and talked down to. Well, if you like the kind of boss that has it all figured out and can tell you exactly the 5-7 things that you could be doing better and proceeds to tell them to you with all the subtlety of a Sunday morning televangelist, then maybe Ted’s your pick. Ted is to pricky boss’s as Clemson is the NCAA football right now. Definitely in the top 4.
Jeb Bush: Jeb as boss. I picture not much direct contact with employees, but some sort of filtration system where his messages would trickle down to the masses. Mostly sitting in his office, shoes maybe kicked off? I don’t know. I am seeing, maybe some TV’s on his office wall. Occasionally some random new office policy would appear in email and piss a few people off, but it would all sort of work itself out somehow. For whatever reason, I feel like he might put on a funny Christmas sweater and personally hand out holiday bonuses though. I’ll take a Christmas bonus. Heck.
Carly Fiorina: This would not be good. This girl don’t seem to play and she sure as heck ain’t got time to listen to you plan Debbie's going away party. And a March Madness pool? If looks could kill. Y’all be deader than the 65th seed. GET.TO.WORK. She’d probably get to the office around 4:30 every morning after working out for 3 hours and then leave around 9pm. I imagine sneaking out of the office pot luck as soon as she walked through the door so as to avoid having to engage in the world’s worst 30 seconds of small talk. Ew. Definitely a contender.
John Kasich: I don’t know. I think you might get your ass reamed out occasionally, but all in all it would be probably fine. Recurrent rumors that maybe he came to work drunk or hungover a few times might be expected? I have no idea if he drinks, but just saying, if he is your boss, this might come up.
Rand Paul: Wow, just thinking about sharing an office with this insufferable arrogant dink makes me feel bad. There is nothing you could do at work that he wouldn’t imply he could do better or faster. He has all the self absurdness of Trump, the pomposity of Cruz, and the slimmed down political lineage of Bush. Perhaps not surprisingly this combination would surely result in an office filled with motivated and productive workers. Not.
Chris Christie: Serious question. Can you imagine a worse fate in life than having this obnoxious horse’s ass as a boss? I mean seriously. I can’t even. Good lord, don’t even bother locating the best place to grab lunch near the office because you know your ass ain’t staying. If a blue ribbon panel of experts were set on a course to feed data into a supercomputer and produce a hologram of the worst possible boss, well Robert Durst would probably win, but you know what I am sayin’. Chris Christie would be in the running. Holy smokes. Think of it! Just think about how much your heart would sink each day around 7:45 when you see his dumpy ass trying to open the door with his elbow as bags of fast food and cups of coffee stain his untucked shirt. That would be the least of your worries. Expect daily doses of public humiliation. Honestly, I don’t think any of these other clowns stands a chance in this debate.
Just food for thought!