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Kitchen Table Kibitzing is a community series for those who wish to share part of the evening around a virtual kitchen table with kossacks who are caring and supportive of one another. So bring your stories, jokes, photos, funny pics, music, and interesting videos, as well as links—including quotations—to diaries, news stories, and books that you think this community would appreciate. Readers may notice that most who post diaries and comments in this series already know one another to some degree, but newcomers should not feel excluded. We welcome guests at our kitchen table, and hope to make some new friends as well.
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I've been hopeful that I could help my niece transfer into a good college, but trying to respect her adulthood, I didn't try to meddle despite wanting to compete with other relatives for influence, perhaps to overcome the estrangement with my late sister. The news of her acceptance should come soon, but regardless of the outcome, I expect her to be successful in life. I did offer to help review her application statement / essay but she demurred, and rightly so.
But it did seem to me that applying to college resembles the kinds of essays often required in job applications, among other kinds of introductions to groups or institutions, that in some ways tries to enhance or substitute for the necessary communication between future bosses and employees sometimes exchanged in interview situations.
So what would a personal statement look like after thinking about all the items below - would it become generic, would it look algorithmic enough to have been written by a computer? Eventually, will our avatars get hired before we do by means of their being the interviewee in Skype interviews?
Be prepared to write and revise and write and revise and edit and revise and rewrite and edit and...
Seek advice; talk with different people, listen to what they say, and then follow what feels right for you.
Every person is unique. What makes you unique? What can you share from your life that will help a stranger understand why you are different from anyone else that has ever applied to this school or business?
We are defined by the stories we tell; writing a personal statement is an exercise in story-telling.
Think details, details, details.
Better to focus on one or two primary issues/experiences rather than briefly cover many.
Avoid self-promotions (e.g., it does not help to claim: "I am an intelligent, compassionate, and caring person.")
Keep your guard up and avoid cliches "like the plague." Cliches obscure your unique message.
Always avoid phrasing like "I've always wanted to be a ___."
Always avoid "always."
Avoid the flippant, glib, or cute.
Be wary of humor. If you are compelled to be funny, try for the subtle or ironic: attempts at humor often come across as evidence of immaturity (evidence of that quality in this handout?).
No whining.
Avoid writing on personal problems or excuses for failure.
Do not criticize past teachers, other programs, other businesses, or KoCom's CEO.
Avoid emphasis on monetary reasons for your motivations.
Be wary of egocentricity; commend yourself without bragging about yourself.
If asked to describe weaknesses, discuss ones that can be seen as strengths.
Eliminate sexist language (predicting your future contributions to "the brotherhood of man" will probably not help your cause).
Avoid unnecessary Capitalizations of Nouns.
Use language that feels right for you. Look up questionable words in a good dictionary.
No handwritten submissions.
Use conventional font choices and sizes: emphasize clarity and readability.
No speling, gramatical--or typographical erors.
Look up any questionable grammatical or stylistic constructions in a good reference book (the most widely accepted authority is the Chicago Manual of Style).
If appropriate, reveal you know something about the company or school to which you are applying.
Ask at least one skilled, demanding reader to proofread your "final" document. Be prepared to revise your "final" document.
Perfect personal statement: not too short; not too long.
http://www.public.coe.edu/...
Seems a lot like porridge and beds in the three bears house and a lot less like the kinds of judgments that make people nervous whether applying for a job or trying to find a dating match, or any interview situation, since as Van Wilder (2001) says, "Gwen, every first date is an interview" Sometimes friendships even develop that way.
I am revisiting a link I wrote on before perhaps with greater insight, but upon reflection haven't really changed since I may be too busy with procrastination to find time to make new friends, but apparently misery loves company.
Friends of a Certain Age....Why Is It Hard to Make Friends Over 30?
As people approach midlife, the days of youthful exploration, when life felt like one big blind date, are fading. Schedules compress, priorities change and people often become pickier in what they want in their friends.
No matter how many friends you make, a sense of fatalism can creep in: the period for making B.F.F.’s, the way you did in your teens or early 20s, is pretty much over. It’s time to resign yourself to situational friends: K.O.F.’s (kind of friends) — for now.
But often, people realize how much they have neglected to restock their pool of friends only when they encounter a big life event, like a move, say, or a divorce...
In studies of peer groups, Laura L. Carstensen, a psychology professor who is the director of the Stanford Center on Longevity in California, observed that people tended to interact with fewer people as they moved toward midlife, but that they grew closer to the friends they already had.
Basically, she suggests, this is because people have an internal alarm clock that goes off at big life events, like turning 30. It reminds them that time horizons are shrinking, so it is a point to pull back on exploration and concentrate on the here and now. “You tend to focus on what is most emotionally important to you,” she said, “so you’re not interested in going to that cocktail party, you’re interested in spending time with your kids.”
As external conditions change, it becomes tougher to meet the three conditions that sociologists since the 1950s have considered crucial to making close friends: proximity; repeated, unplanned interactions; and a setting that encourages people to let their guard down and confide in each other, said Rebecca G. Adams, a professor of sociology and gerontology at the University of North Carolina at Greensboro. This is why so many people meet their lifelong friends in college, she added...
External factors are not the only hurdle. After 30, people often experience internal shifts in how they approach friendship. Self-discovery gives way to self-knowledge, so you become pickier about whom you surround yourself with, said Marla Paul, the author of the 2004 book “The Friendship Crisis: Finding, Making, and Keeping Friends When You’re Not a Kid Anymore.” “The bar is higher than when we were younger and were willing to meet almost anyone for a margarita,” she said.
Manipulators, drama queens, egomaniacs: a lot of them just no longer make the cut.
So in terms of Kibitzing, have you been able to make new friends as you have gotten older or have you lost more than you have gained? Have you learned anything or what did you need to unlearn? Is every interpersonal encounter, formal or informal, essentially an interview?